A Hundred Things I Love About You

1. I love that you love me.

2. I love knowing that I can be absolutely silly with you.

3. I love how we met and fell in love.

4. I love the desserts you buy me.

5. I love the way you smell.

6. I love that you throw away your cigarette even though you have not finished it, because you know I am waiting.

7. I love laughing with you about our dumb jokes.

8. I love that you are lo-tech.

9. I love how you always reach for my fingers when you drive.

10. I love how big your eyes are.

11. I love how we always happen to think about the same thing at the same time.

12. I love that you always make sure you walk on the outer side of the road.

13. I love the muscles on your arms.

14. I love that you are a perfect gentleman.

15. I love it when you shower me with hugs and kisses

16. I love it when you like my cooking.

17. I love your manners.

18. I love that you remember our monthly anniversary.

19. I love how you always introduce me to new food.

20. I love that you constantly teach me new words in your language.

21. I love that you introduced me to your baby nephew who looks just as cute as you.

22. I love that you actually sat outside a club to wait for me because you didn’t like it in there but didn’t want to leave me by myself.

23. I love the way you looked at me when you asked if I would still love you even if your face were covered in acne.

24. I love kissing you.

25. I love cuddling with you.

26. I love enjoying sentimental music with you.

27. I love how cute you look when you wake up in the morning.

28. I love to hear you say I-love-you’s.

29. I love to tell you that I love you.

30. I love how you always support my decisions and choices in life.

31. I love how you have such patience with me.

32. I love knowing that I can talk to you about anything and everything.

33. I love you calling me all kinds of weird nicknames like “moo daeng”.

34. I love that you love me calling you sweet/weird nicknames.

35. I love the little boy in you who loves cartoons.

36. I love the man in you who wants to look after me.

37. I love that you call/text me everyday when we are apart.

38. I love how we can just stay home and do nothing.

39. I love that you are always so understanding.

40. I love that you never seem to get mad with me.

41. I love falling asleep next to you.

42. I love waking up next to you.

43. I love how we wrestle to tickle each other.

44. I love that you don’t talk too much.

45. I love how comfortable we are around each other.

46. I love how you think I am perfect in your eyes.

47. I love how you try to save everything I have ever written to you.

48. I love our similarities.

49. I love our differences.

50. I love watching movies with you.

51. I love how smart you are.

52. I love knowing that you love me for being smart.

53. I love how we shower together like we’ve been doing it forever.

54. I love that you always want to pay for me.

55. I love how shy you become when I keep staring at you.

56. I love the way you smile.

57. I love that you are good to your parents.

58. I love that you always leave your ear-studs around my bathroom table.

59. I love knowing that you will always be there for me.

60. I love how we both like to eat street food.

61. I love your compliments.

62. I love going shopping with you.

63. I love how much you trusted me.

64. I love it when you insist on getting me breakfast when I am sick.

65. I love how you listen to everything I have to say.

66. I love your hair.

67. I love it that you always let me wear your clothes.

68. I love surprising you.

69. I love how you tolerate my double standards.

70. I love that you always massage me even when you’re tired.

71. I love how you love my friends.

72. I love that you always sing off-tone.

73. I love taking slow walks home with you after dinner, whilst eating ice-cream.

74. I love that you always let me hang up first before you put down the phone.

75. I love the way you dress.

76. I love the way you dance.

77. I love how you get jealous at clubs when others try to flirt with me.

78. I love how we can discuss about things in life.

79. I love that your family accepts me too.

80. I love that I now like anything associated with monkeys simply because they remind me of you.

81. I love how surprised and happy you were when I planned the birthday party for you.

82. I love your stinky breath in the morning.

83. I love our weekend getaway at the beach resort.

84. I love it when you ask me if I missed you and I would always reply ‘Yes’.

85. I love how you tease me and call an old man.

86. I love how cute you sound when you try to speak Mandarin.

87. I love it when you feed me.

88. I love how much you appreciate me.

89. I love that you are careful and I’m careless.

90. I love how I fit perfectly into the ’slot’ on you when we hug.

91. I love how we sometimes share each other’s secrets.

92. I love your honesty.

93. I love how it makes me smile whenever I think of you.

94. I love it when you insist on carrying things for me.

95. I love that you let me put my hand over your shoulder.

96. I love how you leave most decisions to me.

97. I love that you acknowledge the importance of open communication in a relationship.

98. I love it when you promised me that you will always take my side no matter what happens.

99. I love it when people say we are a perfect couple.

100. I love that I can still cry when I read these hundred things I love about you.

Do I drive the right car, wear the right clothes & live in the big house in the best neighborhood?

LET’S stop looking at the current financial wreck as some kind of short-term crisis.

Bad mortgages without adequate collateral aren’t the problem – they are symptomatic of the problem. We live in a society with a collective psyche that refuses to accept that there are limits on what one person can or should acquire and constantly pushes for bigger and shinier things.

Our entire economy is predicated on the endless acquisition of material goods (and deep-seated insecurity about our own positions in the world).

We have a consumption-based economy that requires people to keep buying things. And to spur this drive to buy, we have a media culture that works to undermine self-esteem and create inadequacy out of not having whatever it is that is being sold at the moment. At the same time, this media culture reminds us that we deserve more, and we can have more.

More and more over the past decade, this cycle of consumption has been fed by spending beyond our means:  Take out an equity loan to get that new car you want and go take that trip you’ve been dreaming of. Whilst you’re at it, take out a huge loan for the condo you’ve been eye-ing for some time.

Approving a 700 billion-dollar ‘bailout’ isn’t going to cure our economy because the real illness is within us all – We already have unimaginable wealth and yet are not content. If we actually had any sense of contentment with what we already possess and are secure in our own worth regardless of whether we whiten our teeth, color our hair or drive a cool car, we would not be in these bad times.

You’re in MySpace

I AM a very private guy.

 

I don’t like being surrounded by too many people and I hate crowded places; I prefer to shy away from attention, except for the occasional drama with my friends; I don’t like photos of me taken unless I look a million-dollars in them; I don’t like divulging too much personal information and I certainly don’t need to have hundreds of ‘friends’ because its too complicating.

 

To me, friends are people that I’ve known for a certain period of time and we have grown to understand each other well. I feel comfortable with my friends and I do treasure them.

 

It is possible to have 100 persons that I know but not possible to have 100 friends at any one time…

 

That is why I cannot understand the extremely loosely-used word “friends” in networking sites like Facebook or MySpace, etc. Why do people get all excited about collecting ‘hearts’ and ‘friends’?

 

I signed up for Facebook about 2 years ago and was shocked that despite having limited information and with no photo or real name, I was tracked down by somebody I used to know who had absolutely nothing to do with the two Facebook ‘friends’ I was linked to.

 

I proceeded to delete my profile immediately.

 

Each time I tell people I do not have a Facebook account, they will go on to tell me why I should – the benefits of finding a life-partner or one night stands or just simply to know more people. These sites have just too many bells and whistles; so many functions, so many buttons, so many tabs, so many colours, so many pictures and so many updates but I’m just not made to process that much gimmicks!

 

As private as I may be, I know my [unflattering] photos are floating around in my friends’ Facebook. I have served many verbal cease-and-desist orders against them but to no avail. However, I shalt stay partial to and not judge my friends who aim to collect 1000 ‘hearts’ in a week…

 

That’s what friends are for.

 

Uniquely Singaporean!

I’ve traveled the world over and over again and every time I tell people I am Singaporean, their first thought that comes out is the chewing gum issue.

They seem to collectively think that it is still illegal to chew gum in Singapore.

Singapore banned chewing gum when vandals started inserting and sticking used gums into places they weren’t supposed to. Recently though, the Government revised the legislation to allow the sale of chewing gum [with medicinal value] to be sold only by medical professionals or pharmacists. 

I find it quite interesting and amusing to describe to people how living in Singapore is not as strict as one might think. For instance, you will only be in trouble with the Authorities if you spit your gum on the floor, as opposed to disposing them properly in a bin.

It’s easy to appreciate how everything just works in Singapore. Although I don’t live in Singapore any more, I still rate it as one of the more efficient cities in the world. Each time I meet a fellow Singaporean overseas, we hit it off like we’ve known each other for ages, and its easy to explain this ‘bond’ – *Singlish

*Singlish – The Singaporean English (‘meh’,’lah’, ‘lor’, ‘liao’) is a national disgrace but only a true-blue Singaporean can speak it with such ease, speed and contrition. It is also the language we use to identify ourselves with fellow countrymen. In fact, it’s so interesting a ‘slang’ that it even has its own dictionary!

We don’t need politics, just gossip and cakes

Having spent a grand total of 6 years in the United States of America, I feel compelled to follow the on-going contest between Barack Obama and John McCain. Whoever is elected President does affect each and every one of us [directly or indirectly]. 

Look around us – you cannot deny the American influences in our daily lives: Starbucks, McDonald’s, our currencies pegged to the US Dollar and how the global economic downturn is encouraged by America’s own crumbling economy.  

That’s the reason I’m so enthusiastic about the next man to take charge in the White House. Make no mistake: both candidates have dreams to sell (and should I say – different versions of the same ‘American Dream’ to sell). This election is not about who gives the best speech but about who the best Dream merchant is. In the end, the President is likely to be the one who produces the most authentic ‘American Dream’. 

Both Barack Obama and John McCain claim they are children of the Dream. Both are terribly eloquent in offering up their versions of what it did for them and what it can do for fellow Americans. The Republican version emphasizes toughness and loyalty to country and to friends, and to them it wins everything else. The Democratic version focuses more on protecting the vulnerable and the under-privileged as they believe that the American Dream itself is endangered. Obviously, the Republicans don’t share the view that American families were hurting. 

Like all campaigns, this one will also test the candidate’s character and leadership. It will also feature all kinds of verbal attacks between the both parties and issues that don’t matter at all to me and my American friends alike (race, age, religion and sexuality). 

I am fearful for the future because a lot of smoke is being blown into the voters’ eyes in an attempt to distract them from what is truly important… 

The way out of this confusion is simple – make this (or any) election be about whom can best help their countrymen realize their own dream, then vote for them accordingly.

Host with the most

Since I started living on my own many ages ago, I have hosted many parties [some successful some not] and realized the importance of being hospitable to the guests that you invite. I strive to make sure everyone is having a  good time, and more importantly that new guests feel welcomed.

 

To be honest, I must thank my parents for giving me the opportunity to learn to host dinners. My mum used to organize house parties (Chinese New Year, Birthdays, Mid-Autumn, Christmas) every quarter of the year and I was forced to be the door-boy every time. My dad will find any opportunity to invite his colleagues home for a game of mahjong. Yes we were the typical Chinese household and being house-proud is in our blood.

 

I’ve learnt, over the years, that it is important to be less anal about the outcome of the party. As long as food, drinks and music is provided for, the rest will follow.

 

Some of the other things I’ve picked up:

 

Do’s

• Send out invitation in advance, about 1 week for casual events like impromptu gatherings and up to 1 month for important dates such as Birthdays and Festive seasons.
• Intro each and every guest to one another if you don’t want any particular guest to spend the whole evening trying to figure out the perfect pick-up line for this new stranger at your place that he fancies.
• Entertain your guest so that they won’t feel bored. Talk to each and every one of them.
• Use disposable plates and utensils. Yes they are not really environmental friendly, but you save on washing up at the end of the day and trust me – washing up can be very depressing.
• Serve your guests the first drink as soon as they arrive. It’s basic gesture to acknowledge their arrival.

Don’ts

• Last minute cooking – No point inviting people over and you spend half the time in the kitchen trying to prepare the food. Cater or organize a potluck.
• Allow your guests to go into your bedroom unless you’re OK with them knowing which brand of condoms and lube you use.
• Try to cram too many people in a small house. Manage your guest list and invite only those that matter.
• Spread around that you’re having a big party at your place, unless you want people to hate you for not inviting them.
• Openly give out the details of where you stay

This post is also dedicated to my friend, R, who is perpetually entertaining at his house. He is easily the most hospitable being I’ve encountered.

I am Man, watch me groom

As a kid, I used to play with my cousin’s Barbie and Ken dolls. I remembered admiring Ken’s perfect blond hair, painted-on blue eyes, his defined biceps and killer 6-pack abs. I decided to look just like him when I grew up.

 

If you think being Barbie is hard work, then being Ken is harder – We are constantly bombarded by the image of the ‘ideal’ male body and it is extremely exhausting to keep up with the change in trends. I blame the hypnotic power of film, fashion and the media. They are forever trying to create concoctions of ‘perfect’ styles for the trendy men. Whilst women wonder “Do I look fat in this dress?” men ponder “Do my arms look muscular?”

 

Life was never meant to be this complicated. A mere 20 years ago, men were lean and clean-shaven, sporting flared pants and slim jackets. The idea was to be thin and if you were thin, you were ‘in’. There was no need for them to run to the gym for a body-combat session and men from that era enjoyed music, movies, dancing and the subtler things in life.

 

But when we ushered in the 90s, things began to change. With the appearance of buffed-up men in the media (Mark Walberg, Arnold Schwarzenegger, etc), men soon found that being macho attracted women by the droves. To look fashionable, men started to hit the gyms and hired professional trainers to pump their bodies [and their egos]. Soon after, beach-wear became a fashion must-have and men proudly strutted their bronzed and defined bodies up and down the beach in their fluorescent Speedos. The mens’ chest size grew so wide and big and it’s a surprise why bras weren’t invented for them.

 

Ironically, after all the hard work, times changed and muscles were not in vogue anymore. Fashion houses began to favour male models with slim bodies and high cheekbones, thus ushering a ‘delicate’ look for the gents. Men continued to work hard at crafting their physique but the emphasis was no longer in building bulk but rather, to keep fat off.

 

Fast forward to present – It’s still unclear what the current look is – Some men like rippling muscles, some prefer a lean, athletic look and others are happy with their beer bellies. What is clear though, is the male body is much-loved. Brands like Calvin Klein, Abercrombie and Fitch and Aussiebum thrive on this open secret. The creative minds behind these brands make you think that by buying their products, you can somehow look like their models.

 

I own countless Abercrombie and Calvin Klein apparel but I still don’t look like the models.

 

I can’t continue this article without mentioning the ‘Metrosexuals’. Since this term was coined, men have started to pay attention. Mention David Beckham and most of us don’t even know he is a football player (I can only remember his Gucci suits and numerous hair styles).

 

Initially, men fought against Metrosexuality, but when the media started to swoon over straight guys who had their hair in place, clear skin and great teeth, the men-next-door began to follow suit.

 

So what’s your final call on fashion? For me, I’d like to strike a balance between gaining a desirable amount of muscle and keeping my body in shape. It’s not easy to determine what is stylish these days. One minute this trend is ‘in’ and the next day, it’s ‘out’…

 

Allow me to keep things simple and just say – It is the combination of my physical appearance and personality that will get me noticed.

 

2nd best is good enough!

At traditional weddings, the bride throws out the bouquet to a group of single women during the reception, and it is said that the woman who catches the bouquet is destined to be the next bride to walk down the aisle.

Each and every one of the other women wants the bouquet, but admits defeat to the one who has the longest arms or the best reach. In the end, they feign happiness for the bitch that caught it.

What these silly women don’t realize is that those pretty flowers aren’t about the promise of marriage, but the promise of possibilities and opportunities.

Being a man, I have never been in the bouquet toss. But I know what it feels like to have the promise of something coming towards me, only to have some unworthy opponent seize it from my hands. It is painful watching people who don’t do anything get so much thrown at them. And, since they’re nonchalant about it all (they have to be since they already have it all), they just sigh and brush it off as if it happens everyday.

Coming in second sucks and sucks the life out of you because you’ll never get to wear the pretty white dress and tiara, there is no special treatment for you on the special day and no one tells you how beautiful you look even though they’re pretending not to notice you’re five pounds pudgier. You wear the fugly dress with all the pink ruffles and layers of tulle that make you look like two dozen ballerinas exploded all over you at a cake shop.

You’ll basically get treated like shit because your dress is not couture (not that I want to wear a dress but it’s the closest metaphor that I can think of).

I think I’m a better bridesmaid than I’ll ever be a bride. But I ain’t complaining…who says you need to be THE best in everything that you do?

Desperately seeking Validation

One of the things I’ve noticed is that we live our lives by way of validation and in many cases it’s not in a positive way.

It’s fine to be happy when we receive validation – after all we all like to feel/hear something positive about ourselves. But more often then not, the problems occur when we go seeking validation. We might not be as needy as we get older but neither does it really disappear.

Many people have friends surrounding them but when you look closely at these groups they are mostly superficial and only there as a method of validation since they never really seem to have opinions on things that really matter. You only keep them around to tell you how wonderful you are.

The true test of a friend is one that tells you what you don’t want to hear.

Sex is another good example; People use picking up for sex as a way to prove that they can. It’s a way for them to feel they are still attractive. To me, that’s not real validation because most of the time either one or both are drunk and the other half of the time it’s just sex and no real feelings are needed.

Instant messengers like MSN or Skype are not as often used to stay in touch with people you know as they are for chatting with people who you don’t know. I’m guilty of this myself – half the people on my MSN list are those I haven’t even met!

But hang on, I’m not saying all validation is bad.

Truth is, the only person who can validate you is you yourself. If you understand that self-validation is required before all others, then you will be happier. Don’t waste your time seeking validation and attention from others when in reality you don’t need it.

Validation will come in its own time.

The matter of size

I remember watching Oprah and her special report on men. According to the statistics presented, the average penis size of Black men is one inch longer than that of White and Hispanic men. Asian men, in conclusion, have the smallest penises of them all.

 

Now, I’ve seen White men with small-ish penises and been with Asian men who are well-endowed. I wonder if guys with dicks eight inches or larger experience an increased sense of self-confidence? And do those who aren’t so ‘blessed’ suffer from low self-esteem? For certain people, size seems to be determining how good they feel about themselves.

 

Sigmund Freud, the father of Psychiatry, said that men have a sexual thought consciously or subconsciously every 3 seconds. I suspect we also think about our penis during this time as well. If you are gay and are not thinking of your penis, then you are definitely thinking of someone else’s.

 

With an increasing number of penis enlargement products and erectile dysfunction aides on the market, our penises have really become big business.

 

All pun intended.

Could’ve Been

I was watching a DVD last night when a scene played an old familiar song in the background.  

Every time I hear Tiffany’s Could’ve Been, I’m 16 again and back in Secondary school. Those days, kids wore bright oversized cross-colours pants, carried country road duffel bags, and listened to Sony walkmans.

 

I was a chubby timid boy and not part of the cool gang. I was into R&B when everyone else seemed to be into something else – headbanging heavy metal music and pop that was meaningless. I was also in an all-boys school but couldn’t completely relate to most of my classmates and it was a confusing and isolating period.

 

Could’ve Been will also be the song that’ll always remind me of Christopher.

 

Christopher and I met at a school sporting event and very quickly became best buddies. He was the first male friend I had that appreciated what I did – writing, dancing and R&B music. He was a kindred spirit and I finally didn’t have to pretend to be interested in cars or sports. There were many afternoons spent chilling to the tunes on our hi-fi, in particularly Tiffany’s Could’ve Been.

 

At the height of our friendship, Christopher and I were inseparable. Everything went well and innocently until May from the neighbouring Girls’ school came along.  Christopher befriended her and I could sense that he was really interested in her. Shortly after, he began spending less time with me and more with May.

 

I couldn’t understand what I was feeling but I just knew and didn’t like what was happening so I acted weird. I totally ignored him when he paid me attention and got annoyed at him when he didn’t. I was a complete asshole to his girl and somehow, I thought that by acting this way, I could bring Christopher back to me.  

 

The tension between us became too much and he and I finally came to blows. In our one and only fight, I called Christopher a bastard. I don’t know why I did that but as soon as it escaped my lips, I knew I’d lost him for good. He didn’t reply but simply walked away. We hardly spoke to each other from then.

 

Looking back, I realised that I could’ve been in love with Christopher even though at that time, I considered him more like a brother. In a way, he was my ‘unrequited first love’ and the friendship that we had was a relationship where unspoken needs were fulfilled (if not mutually then at least mine).

 

More than 5 years later, I heard that Christopher died in a Army training accident in Singapore.

 

I’ve moved on now – no longer regretting what had happened. I’ve made many friends since but I’ll always hold a special place for Christopher. Of course, there’ll always be that song that will remind me of him.

 

LOVE → It’s how you pull it close and make it stay

I used to have this perfect image of love and what love should be. I think we all do. I can look back at all the levels of love and the variations of ‘love’ that I’ve been through, each time thinking I knew what love was. When I remember those relationships and how selfish/idealistic I was in some instances, I know my idea of love was only elementary.

 

Okay, so what makes me think that I know what love is now?

 

Actually, I still don’t but the difference between me now and who I was then is that I have a better understanding of the process of loving. I know the difference between lust, a crush or an infatuation.  Now, the big question is – what about my current love interest? Well, he is beautiful and has this amazing child-like innocence reaping of positive energy with his baby big eyes.

 

Every love relationship has to go thru’ some loops and some holes. You’ve got to go thru’ the bad to get the reward. Nonetheless, you have to stay faithful and positive about the way things will turn out. It can be a tad much yet worthy of the challenge.

 

To the guys I’ve loved before – Thank you for teaching me. If I didn’t learn from those past relationships, I’d be forced to keep making the same mistakes in love.

 

And some mistakes do leave scars.

 

If it moves, eat it!

Being adventurous with food makes one of the joys in my life. I like tasting something new or exquisite. Some experiences can be tasty but others unpalatable, literally. Still, it does not take away my appetite for tasty delights every now and then…

 

My first foray into ‘exotic cuisine’ was French snails (escargots). I loved how it tasted and it was probably what egged me to also try Fois Gras. It was easily my favourite until I heard how it was made [Goose are force-fed till their livers get enlarged].

 

In the US, I ate alligator steaks, grilled ostrich and fried emu. It all tasted similar to beef or chicken and came with higher price tags. In Thailand, I tried deep-fried locusts and grasshoppers. I was told that they contained a lot of protein. Are they poisonous you ask? Well, I’m still alive so it couldn’t have been that bad. I’d probably die from the unsanitary cooking conditions more than the poison contained in these insects! In Japan, the poisonous puffer fish is a very popular sashimi dish. It doesn’t come cheap and has to be prepared by certified sushi chefs.

 

But it is in China that I hear the most bizarre dishes are served.

 

Live monkey brain – a crying monkey is tied to a stove and its head cut out, thus exposing the brain. Boiling soup is then poured into the head and you, well, eat it whilst it’s hot. There are many restaurants where it can be found, especially in the rural areas. Also, they serve a variety of penis dishes: Dog, Ox, Tiger or Pig. You can have the penis of choice boiled, grilled, fried or in soup.

 

Sometimes, I am amazed at how enterprising people can be. As the Chinese would say: “If it walks, we catch to eat”!

 

Bon Appetit

 

Anti-aging cream

Age has never been an issue to me – Birthdays don’t really freak me out nor the coming of age.

My response to aging is just to buy eye-cream.

They tell me if I put it on at night, it’ll help stop the aging process.  I have faith in these creams because the sales person told me about its merits. It’s made by Parisian monks in the foothills of the Alps and has super fine molecules that will smooth out the wrinkles that form as your skin matures.

I’m not obsessed about wrinkles. Frankly my family ages really well. I’ve seen pictures of my grandfather at 60-ish and he looks great with a full head of hair.  

Being in your 30s is an important digit; in numerology and with astrology and with tarot even. In many ways, it’s the real end of childhood and the teenage years. This is the age that we should understand what we are doing. We’ll have important choices to make – like how we treat others socially, who we hang out with and the list goes on.

The 30s will be a good age to settle down and not sow our wild seeds anymore. I want to have a home life with a partner that understands me, to truly flower and discover potential. I’ve done a lot of naughty things and f**king around in the past. I’ve kissed many a frog and many a prince. My taste in men is realized and I am [in politically-correct terms] starting to see ‘personality’ and ‘heart’ more.  

My 20s were spent either finding my freedom, or starting all over again.  As I walk forward, I feel unthreatened by the adversities that will surely come in my 40s because I’ve learned…

…the 30s would’ve taught me well! 

Nothing’s perfect…that’s why pencils have erasers

A friend told me I have the perfect life: perfect friends, perfect lifestyle, a perfect job and a perfect boyfriend.

Her comment had me immediately thinking not about my so-called perfect life but about my imperfections. I tend to examine my physical as well as personality faults because I think I am a closet perfectionist.

Perhaps it’s because I am insecure and lack self esteem. Or maybe, it’s because I never think I am good enough anyway because –

I am impatient
I like to participate in gossip
I let my mouth get me into trouble
I forget to flush the toilet after peeing
I pick my nose
I leave the water running while I brush my teeth
I am a people pleaser who sometimes never pleases himself
I can be very jealous of others
I am a whiner
I think and analyze too much
I judge people
I can be a hypocrite
I can be a control-freak
I am racist

My sensible vices

What can I say? I love my vices. One issue we have with modern lifestyle is the emphasis on perfection. Newer, slimmer, bigger, better and faster – the message of perfection screams out to us from glossy magazines and slick television ads.

While I do believe in pursuing whatever your personal best happens to be (and I think I could generally be doing far better in terms of diet and exercise), I have a hard time with the constant barrage of images telling us that we suck.

I’m a disciplined guy – okay, quite disciplined – but I stop short of attempting perfection when it comes to my health because I strongly believe that great health is about maximizing the potential output for the minimum input. Wailing away for hours every day on the treadmill or measuring every calorie may yield you marginally more benefit than having that piece of dark chocolate, but, such perfection puts the emphasis on the means rather than the end. After all, we work hard so we can look and feel good in order to enjoy life and get more out of our activities and interests.

Most of my vices aren’t vices at all. Not only are many indulgences [when moderate and planned] good for you, they’re actually a sensible part of your personal health and prevention plan, as they’re more likely to give you a sense of value from your efforts.

So I’ve stopped slaving away at the treadmill and put away the carrots and celery sticks and sticking to some of my very smart so-called vices:

1. Dark Chocolate: Most of us know by now that dark chocolate is rich in antioxidants and brain-stimulating compounds. I’d really be in trouble if that weren’t the case. I make my sweet tooth work for me by choosing dark chocolate and eating small portions. I don’t feel an ounce of guilt. Chocolate is great for your mood, so permit yourself this “vice”.

2. Being a Couch Potato: Whilst it’s important to exercise frequently – at least 4 times a week – it’s also important to take time to unhook from the hurried, stressful pace of modern life. I don’t really watch television but however way I choose to veg out to, I don’t feel guilty about being idle. We all need time to decompress and be a little lazy.

3. A glass of red: I often have a glass of red wine with dinner, and if alcohol is something you enjoy and can consume moderately, go for it. Sure, these are “empty calories” so you don’t want to go overboard, but the antioxidants are worth their weight in, well, liquid gold. Wine is a bit better for you than beer, but still, this is one relaxing “vice” you can sensibly enjoy.

4. A day off: The occasional day-off from work is a great thing as long as I don’t make it a habit. I use this time to catch up with a friend, get a massage, go window shopping or watch re-runs of my favourite movie. Give yourself a break!

The heart of the matter: Whatever your vice, be sure they’re not self-destructive. Drugs, alcohol, days-off and rich foods can quickly derail your health and your life, so choose smart and in small doses.

Mine’s bigger than yours!

There’s really no point comparing yourself with others as no one in this world can do a better job of being you than you yourself.

Life seems to be a constant competition – We aspire to be smarter, healthier, more attractive and wealthier than everyone else. Instead of loving thy neighbour, we are often trying to outdo him/her.

Society tells us there is a need to benchmark our lives with everyone else. We are expected to be more successful than our classmates. Siblings rival to be the more successful one – to be the first to get married, the first to have children or the only one to be gay! In Asia, we are expected to be married by age 30, have a house and a great career. I am constantly reminded that everybody seems to be more successful than I am. At 30, my cousin already owned a bungalow and became a millionaire!

Ironically, all the benchmarking actually lead to a never ending cycle of looking for material things to make us happy. There will always be a time when others are smarter,  hunkier or richer. Should I stop benchmarking and just be happy with what I have?

In all honesty, I think we should be benchmarking down so we will feel better about ourselves and our accomplishment. I tend to do that a lot…I mean, when you compare yourself to friends who have lower-paying jobs or are less educated, it kinda makes you feel better.

In an ideal world, there would be no benchmarking. We would live in a socialist self -esteem estate where everyone is contend with what they have and not worry about what they lack.

The importance of being Sexual

Which comes first: sex or relationship? It’s the gay equivalent to the chicken or egg dilemma. Does one come after the other? And if you have one can you also have the other..?

I reckon that we should try out a man before making any type of commitment. Sex is the first relationship men have with other men. If it’s good, you get repeat dates which may evolve into a relationship. If it’s bad, well then you simply don’t see them again. In our world, sex always comes first (and the rest will happen automatically)

Many of my interactions with gay men are sexual. When I started living on my own many years ago, I thought being gay was only about having sex. I remember my first few years as a homo were all about getting close to men and I inevitably would have sex first and hope an emotional connection would follow. It usually never happened.

Gradually, I learnt to differentiate between sex and emotion and could have sex with no feelings involved. Of course, sex is always better when you have an emotional connection with your partner. As I grew up, I did realize it was not just about sex – If I liked the guy or thought he was bf-potential, I would wait 3 or 4 dates (although kissing on the first date was allowed).

Delaying sex in some instances led to a relationship and at times also led to the realization that I was not sexually compatible with the guy.

That said, you simply can’t make gay men wait too long. You need to establish if both of you are sexually compatible and if the sexual chemistry is not present, then nothing can happen at all.

In gay relationships, I truly believe sex is the priority…

I’ve seen/heard of too many couples who don’t enjoy sex with each other anymore and then simple open up their relationship. This inevitably will prove to be the relationship’s demise in the long run.

To half and to whole

My best friend constantly refers to his partner as his other half.

“My other half likes Thai food”, “My other half wants to see this movie”, “My other half is romantic”.

Don’t get me wrong…I do like his other half. But now that they are a couple, everything seems to revolve around his other half.

“My other half is picking me up after work and we are going home to cook!”

If I were single and lacking an other half, does that somehow make me incomplete? In a world made for couples, do we need a boyfriend, partner or husband to make us into a whole person? And what happens if we never find our other half? Are we only half a person?

Some of us may spend most of our waking lives talking about, dealing with, sorting out, ending and beginning relationships. Single people both gay and straight spend good money on memberships for online dating sites, self-help books, dating coaches and anti-depressants in the search for their other half. Some even spend more to divorce or break up with their other half.

Do we need another person to make us complete? Or is this type of thinking just an unhealthy form of co-dependency?

I’d like to think that single people can be complete based on their own merit, but sometimes, this is more the theory than in practice. I throw myself into hobbies, friendship and other interests whenever I am single and at the end of the day, still come back in search for my mate and my partner.

The Best Accessory

I’ve always believed your smile is your best accessory.

This morning, I practice some smile therapy on the way to the office and was surprised by how many smiles I got back. I also got a lot of freaks asking me for donations.

I’m also disturbed by the people that didn’t. Didn’t smile, that is. I noticed how little people smile. Maybe it’s the awful muggy weather all year round – It just makes you bitter and resentful.

But..smiling is after all, a universal practice.

Although smiling to strangers can seem odd in some cultures, it is often encouraged. In Australia and Canada, there are people giving out free hugs. How come no one is giving out free smiles? Smiling is therapeutic and can create a friendlier society and forge relationships within any community.

I feel good when I am acknowledged, even with just a smile.

It really doesn’t require any effort.

Top or Bottom?

Over the weekend, my friend was telling me about a gay couple he met where both were considered dominant in the bedroom. In gay speak, this meant both guys were tops. He told me they rarely had anal sex with each other, instead opting for a third bottom guy.

Most gay men are obsessed with labels and I don’t mean just in the fashion sense; Straight, Gay and Bi are just some of our favorite sexual labels.

I have to admit I am generally at one end of the sexual role spectrum. I’ll let you guess which end that is. When I first came out I never thought I could bring myself to have anal sex. Over the years, depending on who I am dating and what their role is, I can (usually) adapt.

There is apparently a whole spectrum of sexual roles like only bottom, versatile but prefer bottom, versatile but prefer top and pure top. For some, sex without anal sex is like having a meal without any main course. Our physical and emotional traits may play a part in whether we take it or give it.

Age, height, weight and hairiness are possible indicators of masculinity. Older, hairier, taller and more solid men are considered to be more masculine than younger, smoother, shorter and lighter men. Pure tops seek out sexual partners with less masculine features, whilst bottoms generally seek out sexual partners with more masculine traits.

Of course, there are no absolutes when it comes to each individual’s sexual preferences. Some of us use these descriptors as a mere guide, while others see them as a necessary piece of information before sex or dating.

I think my versatility changes with time and relationships. I don’t think I was born to play a specific role. I find being a bottom a more emotional role, as opposed to being a top – the more alpha position.

Hand in Hand

I think that drama and gay men go hand in hand most of the time.

For example, my neighbour is a self-proclaimed “drama-free” gay man, but I think he’s too deep in his own shit to realize how false his self perception really is.

He just broke up with this guy that he wasn’t even sure if he really liked and connected with. He wasn’t really his type and didn’t have the same interests but for some odd reason he was dating this guy to see what it’d lead to. To me, this is strange because they met at some lame club and the guy is really very average. The guy is also new to this city and has repeatedly stated that he doesn’t like it here and wants to move back to New York when the year is up from his job relocation.

But who knows what will happen between now and December, right?

Well, my neighbour takes this a bit far and tells the guy that he doesn’t think they should see each other anymore and tells him to not contact him at all. A bit harsh, I thought. They’d gone to get HIV tests and all that jazz just last week. Obviously, the guy wasn’t just in it for the sex since there had been no actual sex [only blowjobs] and even as my neighbour is filling me in on the developments of this relationship, he is so dramatic about it and was almost crying.

Also, he is overtly paranoid that people know that he’s gay (I’m pretty sure they know he’s gay when he speaks). He has also been avoiding this straight couple at the gym because he’s upset they know he’s gay. When he first met them, he loved this couple and wanted to go to church with them and all!

Herein lies my topic – Can you be gay and be drama-free? I know you can’t be totally drama-free because life happens. But, can you have minimal drama in your life? I honestly think most gay men can’t live without it. For them, drama comes with the package.

Yah, I’d like to place an order for a cute guy, nice smile, not into drugs and just go on and add some drama on the side.

I love it, it’s great! Now change

It’s ironic how things you initially love and think is the greatest soon becomes stale, tired and yesterday’s news. As humans it seems we need to be entertained to a certain degree to make sure we maintain interest in something.

Case in point: My enthusiastic entrance into the world of gay clubs and bars. Although initially I was drawn to the “thumpa-thumpa” of the music and the buff men around, I (very) soon after got bored of it all and wanted something more. I became bored of going to the same places and hearing the same music and not seeing what else was on offer…

The shine wore off.

Then came along a monthly night which I loved instantly with its different crowd, great mix of music and underground club surroundings and I was promptly hooked.

But it was only a week or two ago when I realized that I was over it and needed something new to entertain myself. Or was it that I was just not feeling it that night and I was not in the mood? I can’t be too sure and will have to see what happens the next time I go.

So what do you do when the initial shiny glimmer of a new-whatever starts to wear off? Do you continue to get involved with it or do you move onto something that will entertain you?

If you do, does this reflect how you will react and respond with life? Are you willing to give it your all and go for the long haul or resign yourself to the fact that it can’t or won’t change? I’m not sure if I react the same way for such situations or whether I process them with the individual respect they need. I actually think I’m in the latter camp.

But, one thing’s for sure, I’ll try that club again and decide whether it’s any fun.

Things that make me HAPPY

Often we think of happiness as coming from falling in love with a wonderful person, having a successful career or being able to live a luxurious life [preferably all of the above at the same time].

Fact is, our accomplishments and the circumstances in our lives do not determine our happiness nearly as much as our ability to appreciate the everyday-moments that we have.

For me, happy moments include spending time with my loved one or my pet dog, listening and dancing to good music, taking a stroll after a nice dinner or watching a movie with friends each week. I look for the kind of things that are not so difficult to bring into my life more often.

Some examples of those are:

1. A good cup of coffee each morning and the moment to enjoy it whilst reading newspapers

2. Working out regularly and liking the way I look and feel

3. Knowing that my parents are healthy and happy

4. Helping others feel good

5. Cooking or baking something really tasty

6. Cool crisp Spring weather (not applicable to the City I am in now, damn it!)

7. Knowing that I am thought about fondly by people that matter

8. Keeping in touch with overseas friends via MSN Messenger

9. Watching re-runs of Sex And The City or Ugly Betty or Little Britain

10. Going to bed knowing that tomorrow will be better

If you have difficulty thinking about these things right now, then think for a moment about some of your favorite things like sports or shopping. Think also of some of the things you used to do as a child.

Bringing your favorite things into your life each day and appreciating the moments will help you find happiness.

Try it!

The real world

I was brainwashed at an early age.

My nanny told me tales that were probably written by someone high on fantasies. These stories tell you the same things – find a guy, get help from fairy godmother, get rescued by the guy from some evil wretch and live happily ever after with Prince Charming in never-never Land.

Come on..! Why do these tales always involve a Prince or a Fairy Godmother?

The biggest lie, of course are the words ‘happily ever after’. In life, we all know that there is a possibility that your boyfriend will cheat on you, that your parents could decide on separating after many years of marriage, or, that you’re going to stay lonely and never have a chance to find the love of your life.

Maybe fairy tales should come with a disclaimer ‘Will cause delusions in adulthood’.

But hey, they are not all bad though…

Personally, I do like stories about courage/overcoming obstacles and those that promote values like honesty and friendship. Teaching kids about manners, diligence and doing something meaningful with their life sounds like a better plan.

After all, there are some lessons in life/love that we do need to learn on our own.

Foursome

It has been a long time since I laughed out loud at a movie.

I generally find the canned jokes of most commercial movies to be predictable and only mildly humorous but not so when it comes to the girls of SATC. There are a couple of scenes that are just downright funny and embarrassingly truthful. I appreciate the real humor in the movie and that the characters didn’t take themselves too seriously.

I should also note that it was during the funny parts of the movie that I realized I was in a theater full of gay folks. This was a quirky, funny show on TV that brought people together, and it is to be so in the cinemas as well.

I especially identify with the deeper theme to this movie though that seemed to have escaped most of the silly reviews I have read. The fact that no relationship can grow or mature (or mean much at all) unless its foundation is built on grace.

The real meaning might have been hidden behind the extravagant clothing and shoes, but there are some great points here about how when we forgive friends and lovers, our relationships become free to grow. Friends aren’t perfect, and men sure aren’t either, but any investment in either will require a fair amount of grace to be really worth the effort.

I did not go in expecting anything from this movie. I approach each movie I see with only the expectation that I will be entertained — it did that. I wanted it true to the TV show yet to feel more like a movie — and it does!

Now that Carrie and her crew have left the bittersweet college of cosmo-hedonism, the film treats them shrewdly as cynical wised-up fortysomethings facing life on the other side of the adult divide.

Me, Myself and I

I am a complicated person. Yet I believe I am fairly simple one way or another

I have a liberated concept of what life should be. But my values are traditional and my principles are old-school

I am not perfect and I don’t try to be. I make a lot of mistakes but learn as much from them as possible

My weakness is my impatience. I am known as the impatient one. I hate waiting and that often gets me in trouble.

I always fall for the wrong guys. It’s either they are too flawed to the point that I take them for granted or too perfect that I can’t measure up to their standards

I read to escape. I write to express. I dance to release

I laugh a lot. I make people laugh. People laugh at me. I laugh at them. Together we laugh at life

I value acceptance

I’m not weird, only eccentric. I’m not crazy, only delusional

My Body

I have to give credit to those who work out and eat a controlled diet in order to achieve a semblance of perfection when it comes to their bodies.

They make the right choices when eating and refrain from unhealthy foods. They exercise several days of the week for at least an hour at a time – warming up, cardio, lifting weights and then cooling down. They religiously take supplements to heal and repair their muscles.

Oh no, that’s not me..I’m not that dedicated!

I am not overweight in any sense of the word. Those who have met me know my body is lean or taut and toned [although some might even say I am skinny]. You’ll find more fat on a chicken cutlet than on my thighs.

I do make an effort to eat right and work out as much as I should but I’m not compulsive about it. After a long day at the office, I would much rather get home, change clothes, have a light dinner and crash in front of the couch for a ½ hour whilst snacking on chips.

I wouldn’t go to an extreme to change my body to please someone else. If you don’t like me the way I am then someone else will.

Then again, if I were overweight and no one gave me a passing glance, my fat ass would be on a treadmill faster than you can say “California Fitness”.

To those who do what you do to look the way you do – keep up the good work!

I’m not the only one who appreciates it.

Vacancy

Job Category: Relationship (Monogamous)
Type: Full time plus OT
Salary: Negotiable
Last day to apply: End of this year
Compensation: Me

Responsibilities will include but are not limited to:

1) Saying and doing the right things to properly convey your undying adoration, admiration and lust for me

2) Arguing when necessary but ultimately realizing the error of your ways

3) Foot-rubs and back-rubs

4) Maintaining daily communication via telephone, email, text messages and telepathic senses

5) Co-ordinating dinner dates, movie nights, surprise parties and other special events

6) Mind-blowing sex

All candidates must possess the following:

A job (Doctors, Lawyers, Pro-athletes, High-level Managers, CEOs & Hollywood Producers highly preferred), Above 1.74m in height, University Degree (Or a rich family background if no degree), Healthy (Gyms or play sports 3x a week at least), No criminal records, No kids (Dogs are fine), No pending kids, Never married, No restraining orders, Social drinker (Or Non-drinker), Sex appeal, Straight & white teeth, Masculine

Over when it ends?

I ask this question because of two things that happened in the past week.

One, hearing that an ex-lover/fling is still holding out hope of us getting back together, and two, finding a forgotten photo from a past relationship that brought back some unexpected [and unwanted] feelings.

The first concerns the guy I had the now-defunct and once-dysfunctional long distance relationship with. We sort of ended the ‘relationship’ because I became tired and wary of unexplained silences and sporadic contact. I didn’t bother trying to find out why since I figured six-weeks straight of not hearing from him was cause enough to end the ‘relationship’. I use the word ‘relationship’ loosely because it is so clearly not. Anyway, I hear from a mutual friend that he still talks about me and is keen on getting back together.

The second came as a complete surprise and it was all to do with a photo. I’m a little bit of a hoarder – letters, cards, pictures – mementos from events and people that have had special significance in my life. Often, these are things to mark an occasion or to remind me of a person and rarely does it produce so much emotion like it did when I saw the image of my hand clasped by my second boyfriend. I recalled the excitement and happiness of being with him, the anguish of knowing that it wouldn’t last and the hurt of when it all finally fell apart.

Strangely, when the unpleasant montage stopped, I was left with a hollow feeling — a feeling like it needed to be filled with something that was once familiar and which happened a couple of years ago. I thought I was over it but methinks the chapter’s never really closed as much as you might think it is.

Is it…

IS IT so hard to find a guy who :

- Is smart
- Has a good personality
- Has a nice smile
- Won’t break your heart
- Just wants to cuddle and not have sex
- Is thoughtful/considerate
- Will sit and talk about any/everything
- Listens when you talk
- Will hold your hand
- Tells you how beautiful you are
- Isn’t afraid to show their feelings
- Tells you the truth even if you don’t want to hear it
- Doesn’t want to be with a million other hotter guys
- Will be there for you thru’ the good and bad
- Gets you flowers just because
- Will call/text you just to tell you how much he cares
- Watches a horror movie with you
- Doesn’t make fun of you when you tell him your thought/dreams
- Is just sweet and good to me and my dog

Love.Hate.Use

ONLINE dating sites – some days I love them, some days I don’t. But I use them anyway.

They are a little addicting so I was really impressed with myself when I went over two weeks without logging into any site (okay I was out at the beach and had no internet access).

A message from someone made me log back on after the brief absence, but that’s totally beside the point and what I’m trying to say is that there are indeed alot of guys out there ‘seeking’. Also, when you are in a small city, you actually end up recognizing many people on the street.

So, I compiled a list separating the good and bad. Here it is –

Why I love them:

• That nice excited feeling you get when you get a message or a virtual kiss from someone you like
• Gives you hope! There’s always a chance you might find the One [or at least Someone]
• That nervous feeling when you arrange to meet, followed by finding out they are actually really nice and the date goes well

Why I don’t:

• Messaging a guy and then he responds and then just sudden silence. You are left wondering if you’ve said something wrong
• There are jerks on there
• The older gentlemen who insist on asking if you would like to meet up over coffee. That is despite all the warnings you put on your profile that you are looking for people around your age/and not ugly
• You meet a guy, and then you realized he used a fake photo

Why I use them anyway:

• Because ultimately you wanna find someone (or some of us need to have sex)
• You really wish you were able to cuddle with someone on a rainy night
• You are bored and decide to ‘just browse’

Conversation with Mom

(ring ring ring)

Hello?

“Hi Son!”

Hi Mom.

“How are you?”

Good. But I can’t talk right now, can I call you back?

“What are you doing?”

I’m having dinner with a friend.

“Oh. What are you having?”

We haven’t ordered yet. But it’s Thai. Can I call you back later?

“Who’s your friend?”

My friend Lester.

“Oh, Lester.”

Yeah. I’ll call you back

“Who is Lester?”

He’s just my friend.

“Oh. I thought maybe you were busy.”

I’m having dinner now.

“What are you going to have?”

We are just about to order.

“Okay, then call me back when you’re done.”

Okay, I’ll call you.

“Is the restaurant nice?”

I’m hanging up now.

“Well if you don’t want to talk to your mother…”

Bye.

 

 

Come as you are

WHILST cruising one of the online dating sites I am on, I came across a familiar face – we briefly dated last year, but he decided he wasn’t ready to pursue a relationship (probably a nice way of saying I wasn’t the one). He went on his way and I went mine.

Today, I chanced upon him again and wrote to say hi. He wrote back a very heartfelt note that touched me, because I think it speaks volumes to what most of us feel as ‘singles’.

He commented that everyone he has met had wanted to change him and that he misses physical intimacy. Well, he’s not alone. All of us have these rather basic primal needs – acceptance for who we are and intimacy with another person.

My response to him was not to settle for anything less. When we are in relationships, we always see the need to change our partner in the perfect person that we want.

Each of us need to be accepted and loved for who we truly are. Why? Because it brings us the greatest freedom and intimacy we can possibly experience with another human being. When there are too many expectations, you are never really at ease or at peace because you don’t feel truly accepted.

I think we try to change people out of desperation because we haven’t been patient enough to find the one we’re meant to be with. So we figure we’ll take what’s there, mold it to our liking, and then love it. But that’s not unconditional love — it’s conditional.

Do you wonder why there are so many separations? I guess its because our partners don’t meet up to our expectations, so we move on. We don’t love them as they are but we expect them to love us as we are.

Of course, as a single, I miss regular intimacy with a partner, which brings me to our next basic need — to be touched. Unfortunately, we can go down some pretty destructive paths in our lives if we look for intimacy in the wrong places.

Next time I am in a relationship, I hope to love that person as is. I think if I did, my greatest intimacy with that person will be born out of being accepted and loved for who he really is.

Affirmation

I am only as strong as the ones who love and support me.

I don’t live my life angry and I have the love of family and friends.

Should I ever have a family, my main goal would be to instill in my children the values that I have learned and watch them pursue their own dreams as I have always done.

Love drives me daily – my love for perfection, my love for life or my love for happiness.

Without the emotional connection of love to things that I do, then I would not be able to find motivation to do it at all. Without love, I feel as if I’m just waiting to die. I have met many amazing people in my life and have felt love so strong that once it was gone it cramped my stomach to think of not having the feeling any more.

Ironically, love is also the hardest thing I have ever attempted to chase after. I am not your average character, and to find someone to love me wholeheartedly sans judgment is quite difficult…

I know that finding love is no easy task for anyone.

Someday, I’ll find someone who I truly love and who loves me right back.

A cleaner diet

AS of today,

I will cut all processed meat (sausages/ham), refined sugar, alcohol, wheat glutin, starch and diary products from my diet.

I will up my intake of fresh fruits (minus acidic fruits like pineapple) and leafy greens and complex carbohydrates (Oatmeal/Bran).

I will allow myself a treat (dessert) once a fortnight.

Check back with me next week to see how I am keeping up…

My stuff

fave gadget iPhone fave designer Calvin Klein fave ice cream Ben&Jerry’s Chubby Hubby fave extravagance Massages/Foot Reflexology fave city Seattle, Washington fave beauty product Biotherm Source Therapie fave shampoo Garnier Fructis (http://www.garnier.com/fructis) fave facial cleanser Giorgio Armani Crema Nera fave moisturizer Loreal Men’s Expert Hydra-Energetic Gel fave hotel Lanson Place, Hong Kong fave shop MUJI fave athletic brand Adidas fave attire Tees, shorts & flip flops fave fruit Papaya fave jeans Abercrombie and Fitch’s Remsen low-rise straight fit fave holiday destination Bangkok/San Francisco fave airline Northwest Airlines fave fragrance Banana Republic Classic/Calvin Klein MAN fave timepiece Toywatch (http://www.toywatchusa.com) fave snack Japanese seaweed fave club Jump, Taipei fave porn actor Karel Rok fave lube Astro Glide fave blog http://www.ohlalamag.com fave magazine Men’s Health fave singer Sandy Lam fave book Savage Grace by Natalie Robins and Steven Aronson fave drink Vodka Cranberry fave pet Dogs (Golden retrievers/American Cocker Spaniels) fave airport Changi, Singapore fave dish Hainanese chicken rice fave season Spring fave TV Ugly Betty/Little Britain fave beverage Starbuck’s Green Tea Frappe fave holiday season Christmas fave mall The Grove in Los Angeles fave sport Tennis fave number 7 fave colour Green

Phases and Places

Turning 32 has been an eye opener for me.

It’s a little interesting how, for the past month, I have been asking myself a lot of questions about life and realizing I am almost into ‘mid-life’ I have thought of myself as an adult for many years but this past month has brought it all home – I am an adult!

What have I done with my life this far? Am I satisfied with it and how can I make it better?

Yesterday, I evaluated how things were happening in my life. I don’t reflect enough and tend to slack off. There were several issues I had to work thru these 2 years and am now dealing with new issues like being relocated around a lot for work. I never seem to be able to call a place ‘home’ for long. As soon as I feel settled in and start making serious new friends…I am told to pack my bags.

That said, being able to look at the bigger picture has given me perspective. I get to travel all over the globe with most expense paid for. I get to re-visit cities that I love and experience life there as a ‘local’. I have traveled to almost every continent and do consider myself very well-heeled. I almost regard myself as a flight-attendant sometimes – here today, there tomorrow…ya know? This was exactly the lifestyle I coveted when I was in my twenties. Now, I’d rather have a sense of permanence.

It’s nice to be able to put the past in its place and work into the future with a better sense of who and where I am.

I guess I am in the midst of one of those [rare] moments where I have to clear something out of my head, do a little housekeeping and reorder priorities. It’s all about trying to figure out what they are.

The question is - where to start and where do I stop?

Comfort [z]One

OKAY, I noticed that I’ve become less outgoing since moving to this city. I play a lot less games, I don’t gym as much as I should, I interact with much fewer people and I just generally reduced the range of activities I engage in.

Blame it on the weather here (hot and humid and I just want to be in an air-conditioned environment the whole time) but I think it’s also partly due to my pathological need to do well at work. The nature of my work keeps me on my toes. Did I tell you about how I try to get into the office an hour earlier just to monitor my reporters at work? I’m surprised no one has called me the crazy anal-retentive bitch (at least not in my face) yet!

Want me to let you in on a little secret? I think the main reason I work so hard is because I’m not very good at um..other things, like socializing. At least with your job, you put in a good amount of effort and you receive a fair amount of renumeration in return.

Interacting with humans, on the other hand, is a bit more complicated – even when (a) you think the relationship is a bed of roses, you may still end up getting dumped or (b) you go out on a successful date but there is no follow-up thereafter.

Matter-of-fact is, if I focus on work, my prize is a nice salary that allows me to spend myself away.

I guess I shouldn’t say I got NOTHING out of my attempts at socializing. It’s always good to meet new people in a new town. I never know when I’ll run into one of them at a club and they’ll introduce me to somebody who might be ‘The One’.

It’s good practice for me to get outside my comfort zone and just talk to people I don’t know. I might just make myself a new best friend!

I didn’t this weekend, but maybe next week I will…

Circuit parties with a side of E

Circuit parties are notoriously hard to define.

There are hundreds of promoters around the globe trying to cash in by calling their upstart events ‘circuit parties’.

Most circuit parties follow a certain template whether in a club, on a cruise ship or a beach. It is a several-day, several-location spectacular, with lights, big-name DJs, decorations and performances. Themes are mandatory. Many parties are tied to holidays, like Mardi Gras in Sydney or Songkran in Bangkok. Some clubs like Jump in Taipei organize a regular end-of-month party and is always well- attended.

Everywhere you look at these events there are men, men and more men. ”When I told my aunt I was gay, she said, “It’s a very lonely life”.

..If she only knew! I’m obviously not the only gay in this village!

To outsiders, the less well-informed and the biased, circuit parties are all about drugs, sex and spectacle. To the travel industry, they represent a profit-making opportunity. For many circuit party aficionados, the weekend celebrations are essentially a year-round extension of the ability to put ourselves out there and have a great time. It’s important for our gay identity to know that we’re part of a community that knows how to have fun, albeit safely.

Drugs – always a controversial part of the circuit life, were not part of the routine to begin with. Champagne was the only intoxicant most of my friends touched all weekend, despite dancing until the wee hours. Not everyone exhibits such self-control, of course. The circuit party scene is fueled by Ecstasy, much as the rest of any club scene is. Now it’s GHB and methamphetamine, better known as crystal meth. Not only does crystal meth give revelers the stamina to stay up for three days without a nap, it also enables marathon (and often unprotected) sex sessions.

While drugs may be a ‘don’t-ask-don’t-tell’ affair at these circuits, plenty of flesh-baring is certainly not a discreet topic. When I step on the dance floor, my shirt usually come off. It’s an excellent excuse for us to check out the latest in men’s underwear. Men with shaved chests and impeccable abs greet each other with hugs and kisses and dance with their arms around one another’s waists.

I define this as a form of liberation, this whole act of being able to flirt shamelessly without judgment or guilt. It’s just something I choose to call ‘life’.

And ‘life’ is a drug I could OD on.

Am I too old to take money from relatives?

As a kid, money was my favorite present – preferably cash – since I could go out and use it immediately. I could never leave a store with any money left over. The happiness was much anticipated and quickly over.

When I was 21, my Dad sent me to the US with a checking account of $600. It was a smart idea to try and teach his son about managing money. However, I saw through it immediately. It was like being given a neck tie, a symbol of the grey oppressive adulthood that lay before me.

That was not the last time I received money from my parents, but those times (in college) were rarely cause for celebration. There were a few other times after college when I legitimately needed help (for my first car, student loans) but that was nearly seven years ago. Still, every year like clockwork, the money comes on birthdays and Chinese New Year. They’ve been politely offering to buy me a housewarming present from IKEA since I moved into my own place.

For those of you who want to know about me, I’m 32 years old, living on my own and working as a newsroom journalist. I make relatively good money from the job and also have a property investment. As you’d expect from a gay yuppie, I live rather comfortably. So when my Dad hands me a $100 bill when I visit or when my Aunt sends a gift certificate, I am a bit mystified as to how I should feel.

While free money is good, I don’t have the most exciting plans for it. A large chunk of my personal savings is windfall money I put aside immediately rather than spend. It’s just the sort of responsible thing my Dad wished I would have done when I was a teenager.

Still it’s a little embarrassing for my inner adult, like having my Mom peel shrimps for me in a fancy restaurant. Whilst we go through many developmental milestones on our path to becoming independent adults, the relationship with our parents is sometimes slow to change. They still remember us in diapers, fondly.

I’ve never been a big fan of making an issue out of dollars & cents. If someone makes a move for the bill at a restaurant, I don’t try to tackle them. I generally trust that when people offer to do something it’s because they want to and I accept that graciously. When I take the bill, I also expect this same understanding.

After all I’m lucky to have supportive parents/relatives who are still in a position to offer their financial assistance.

e=mc2=Winning Formula= ?

Well, Mariah Carey is back. Fresh from the multi-platinum success of 2005’s “The Emancipation of Mimi”, everyone’s fave vocal stylist has returned with a thinly veiled clone of her prior commercial smash. Clocking in at fifty minutes of party-oriented hip-hop and sappy ballads, “E=MC2″ is a consistently mid-tempo set of cuts that should appease her loyal fans and continue to bewilder the rest of us.

In the interest of fairness, Mariah does deserve a degree of respect for the choices she’s made in creating this record. Unlike contemporaries Janet Jackson and Madonna, she’s (mostly) stayed away from scarring our precious eyeballs with spandex-clad crotch shots and innuendo-laden lyrics, maintaining the scantest connection to the demure young woman who sang all those cheesy ballads in the early Nineties. While I have quite a few concerns with the quality of this album’s songwriting, I can easily listen to two or three of its songs at a time, and find them blandly enjoyable. Mariah’s vocals are also worth commendation, showcasing some of her much-famed range and power while staying away from screeching (hello Alicia Keys!).

However, the praise stops here. One of the biggest question marks hovering over Mariah’s discography has always been her debatable degree of sincerity, and it appears here with a vengeance.

Although much is made of the fact that she writes her own songs, it doesn’t change the reality that she opts to give her tracks to corporate producers, who ultimately transform them into radio-ready formula. In addition, it hardly helps that she’s not particularly skilled in either the lyric or melody departments; relying heavily on saccharine/emotional statements that are de-personalised to the extent of losing all meaning. She then sets them to primitive tunes consisting of one hook repeated multiple times. Certainly, I can call the choruses of some of these songs (like the bouncy, disco-ish “I’ll Be Lovin’ U Long Time”) catchy, but they’re ephemerally so, drifting in one ear and out the other in a numbed haze.

To get an overall impression of her latest sound, you’re best served her current No.1 hit “Touch My Body”. I have neither the desire nor will to knock it down, but to me it sounds more like a teaser than a smash hit. Consisting of a flat drum machine track with finger snaps and minimal synth accompaniment, it presents a mediocre basic tune that’s made worst with meaningless lyric.

Sadly, plenty of the other songs sound almost identical – the cookie-cutter slow jams “I Stay In Love”, “Love Story”, “Last Kiss” and “For The Record” may employ superficially different styles, but they are just more of the same Hallmark power ballads that Mariah’s been dishing out since 1990.

Taken as a whole, there isn’t much that can be said about “E=MC2″ that wouldn’t already be obvious to anyone familiar with Mariah’s earlier output. She’s opted to play it incredibly safe, and anyone who has enjoyed her old records will find plenty to appreciate here. I’m skeptical as to whether she’ll be able to pull off another album in this vein, but at least she’s smart enough to stay away from half-baked political statements or coarse sexual vulgarity – and for the moment, that’s enough.

Tracks I repeat: “I Stay In Love”/”Side Effects”/”For The Record”/”Bye Bye”
Tracks I skip: “Touch My Body”/”O.O.C”

Multiple partners or just One?

We generally feel that we are able to separate love and sex, but the more I think about it, the more I doubt. I hear statements from guys that assume there’s this clear and magical distinction between those we fuck and those we want as husbands.

I have a friend who I travel with all over the world. He’s stable, cute and most people assume we’re together. In some ways we are like a ‘married couple’ since he’s my best friend and he knows me pretty well. There’s no sexual attraction but there’s closeness and trust.

Then there are guys with whom I’m not really close to but have passionate encounters with on a regular basis. I’ve become somewhat of a master at the off-again on-again sexual relationship during my tenure of being single. I don’t think I need a full scale relationship since I haven’t found a man that makes me want to commit wholeheartedly and monogamously. And having those occasional partners give me enough closeness without smothering me.

My last relationship felt like a single-trip ticket to Depression and I resolved to never go thru that again. Oh he wasn’t an asshole, mind you. Just that he gets bored easily and has guys throwing themselves at him on a regular basis.

The big payoff of a relationship is the emotional support, but my emotional needs can also be fulfilled with a night on the dance floor, gyrating with other like-minded males.

We’re so conditioned to think that finding a boyfriend is the answer. Yeah, we do need other people—but there are many ways to go about it. So, if you have been single forever but been putting yourself out in the market, it might be useful asking yourself what you’re really looking for.

Maybe you’ve already found it?

oh no She didn’t

Madonna may be a 49-year-old working mom pushing 50, but she still loves her dance floor, her catsuits and her pop hooks. She’s also an expert chameleon, co-opting current musical tastes for her own pleasure.

In ”Hard Candy”, Madonna aims high, enlisting two of music’s heavyweight producers – Timbaland and The Neptunes. The album jumps off the disco of 2005’s ”Confessions On The Dancefloor” with thunderous, up-tempo club grinds but also some surprisingly dark moments. The Neptunes (comprising the production duo of Pharrell Williams and Chad Hugo) add retro-synth beats while Timbaland punches up the power R&B, along with Justin Timberlake. Madonna co-wrote and co-produced the album’s 12 tracks, which swerve from the psychedelic-horn blitz of ”4 Minutes” to the swooping drama of ”Voices”.

Whilst the album’s sound is not original and its tunes not particularly edgy, they still make your booty shake. ”My sugar is raw, sticky and sweet”, as she intones on ”Candy Shop,” fusing heavy beats with ”Like A Virgin” coy sex appeal and a later falsetto reminiscent of Britney Spears. ”4 Minutes,” one of the album’s best tunes, explodes with Timbaland’s repetition of ”fricke-fricke-four minutes” as Madonna and Justin Timberlake exchange shout-outs. Their voices, oozed through thick production, complement each other nicely (although their sexual repartee can feel a bit forced).

On ”Confessions”, Madonna shared her religious beliefs with a song about Kabbalah. On ”American Life” , she jumped into political commentary. Here, she cleverly steers clear of family, religion and politics, sticking to mainstream fodder: sex, dancing, relationships. But there are three tunes that shed the party vibe and reveal some necessary vulnerability. ”Miles Away” laments being far away from a love, while ”Voices” focuses on demons plaguing a romance. ”Devil Wouldn’t Recognize You” is made theatric by an interlude of thunder and rain, (cue Justin Timberlake’s bitter hit ”Cry Me A River”) touching on manipulation following a dead relationship.

There is a tendency for Madonna to steer toward too many throwaway dance clichés. ”Get stupid, get stupid, don’t stop”, she proclaims teen-style on ”Give It 2 Me,” a catchy synth jam with sputtering riffs sure to be another club smash. The lyrics pick up on anthem ”She’s Not Me”. In feisty form, over funky bass and guitar lines and electro claps, Madonna is letting her Royal flag fly: ”She started reading my books and stealing my looks and lingerie … she’s not me and she never will be”.

Disappointingly, ”Beat Goes On” (a much-hyped-about collaboration with Kanye West) recedes into retro disco territory with a tired callout: ”Get down, beep beep, gotta get up out of your seat”. [Yawn]

Still, the hits boom out loud and clear, one after the other. Madonna may be strutting her way into AARP territory but she still belongs on that forever shimmering dance floor. This is bubble-gum-Madonna-pop at its best!

Tracks I repeat: “Give It 2 Me”/”Devil Wouldn’t Recognize You”/”Miles Away”/”Ring My Bell” (Bonus track)
Tracks I skip: “Spanish Lesson”/”Candy Shop”/”Heartbeat”

 

 

A matter of Chemistry

Starting a relationship is akin to lighting up a barbecue – you need a spark and then it takes a lot of luck or a good level of experience. Whether you got one or the other, you still have to hope that it won’t rain.

Every time that I’ve been single, I experience some of those quick starts and the even quicker burn-outs that accompanies almost each of them. No matter the enthusiasm shown at the beginning, it seems that something had to go wrong after a few days. Obviously, natural selection also applies to love stories.

As I was finally recovering from my last break-up and slowly embracing my brand new single life by dating enough guys to allow my best friend to regularly call me a slut, it crossed my mind that I was experiencing one of the busiest period of my dating life. Some of my recent dates were really exciting and we’ve shared some great moments but none of the guys made it up to the subsequent date.

Last night, whilst changing the sheets, I couldn’t help but wonder why some promising stories never last more than a few dates. Why do some people (obviously into each other at first) lose it after a few days? What leads a crush to crash?

My fuck-buddy once told me that experience brings wisdom (in the bedroom, he meant). According to me, as far as relationships are concerned – experience brings fear. We are still healing the wounds left by our previous stories and cannot help but be more cautious about the new ones. Our fears lead us to make a wrong interpretation of everything that is said and, most of the time, to run away as soon as feelings are shown. We create our own scale in which to interpret the different ways to express our feelings. “I like you”, “I like you a lot”, “I like you very much” and “I love you” (to be used carefully) are the milestones we commonly use. However, because our pace is rarely the same as our partner’s, a simple “I like you” can be [mis]understood to mean “Marry me” and cause a story to prematurely end.

I once dated an extremely attractive and eligible guy and our first date was one of the best I ever had. We spent a great night out followed by some awesome sex. We even decided to spend the rest of the day in bed watching TV and having more sex. We seemed genuinely attracted to each other and it even crossed my mind that this guy could be boyfriend material. On our second date, we planned to have dinner in a nice Korean BBQ restaurant close to my place. After half an hour of remembering how good our first date was, it suddenly occurred to both of us that we had nothing else to say. An hour later, we were both bored to death and quite embarrassed by the long periods of silence that punctuated our date. We skipped dessert (for those of you who know me, dessert is a big affair) and called it a night.

Needless to say, I never saw the need to call that guy again.

Whether it is a matter of (a) adopting the right communication method, (b) getting past the physical attraction or (c) simply a question of good taste, brand new relationships are like birds in a nest. They require delicate treatment and attention. We can be frustrated about it but in the end, there’s probably something good in the fact that, in the matter of relationships, Darwin’s theory applies.

*Darwin’s theory – thru’ the process of natural selection, only the fittest make it