I am Man, watch me groom

As a kid, I used to play with my cousin’s Barbie and Ken dolls. I remembered admiring Ken’s perfect blond hair, painted-on blue eyes, his defined biceps and killer 6-pack abs. I decided to look just like him when I grew up.

 

If you think being Barbie is hard work, then being Ken is harder – We are constantly bombarded by the image of the ‘ideal’ male body and it is extremely exhausting to keep up with the change in trends. I blame the hypnotic power of film, fashion and the media. They are forever trying to create concoctions of ‘perfect’ styles for the trendy men. Whilst women wonder “Do I look fat in this dress?” men ponder “Do my arms look muscular?”

 

Life was never meant to be this complicated. A mere 20 years ago, men were lean and clean-shaven, sporting flared pants and slim jackets. The idea was to be thin and if you were thin, you were ‘in’. There was no need for them to run to the gym for a body-combat session and men from that era enjoyed music, movies, dancing and the subtler things in life.

 

But when we ushered in the 90s, things began to change. With the appearance of buffed-up men in the media (Mark Walberg, Arnold Schwarzenegger, etc), men soon found that being macho attracted women by the droves. To look fashionable, men started to hit the gyms and hired professional trainers to pump their bodies [and their egos]. Soon after, beach-wear became a fashion must-have and men proudly strutted their bronzed and defined bodies up and down the beach in their fluorescent Speedos. The mens’ chest size grew so wide and big and it’s a surprise why bras weren’t invented for them.

 

Ironically, after all the hard work, times changed and muscles were not in vogue anymore. Fashion houses began to favour male models with slim bodies and high cheekbones, thus ushering a ‘delicate’ look for the gents. Men continued to work hard at crafting their physique but the emphasis was no longer in building bulk but rather, to keep fat off.

 

Fast forward to present – It’s still unclear what the current look is – Some men like rippling muscles, some prefer a lean, athletic look and others are happy with their beer bellies. What is clear though, is the male body is much-loved. Brands like Calvin Klein, Abercrombie and Fitch and Aussiebum thrive on this open secret. The creative minds behind these brands make you think that by buying their products, you can somehow look like their models.

 

I own countless Abercrombie and Calvin Klein apparel but I still don’t look like the models.

 

I can’t continue this article without mentioning the ‘Metrosexuals’. Since this term was coined, men have started to pay attention. Mention David Beckham and most of us don’t even know he is a football player (I can only remember his Gucci suits and numerous hair styles).

 

Initially, men fought against Metrosexuality, but when the media started to swoon over straight guys who had their hair in place, clear skin and great teeth, the men-next-door began to follow suit.

 

So what’s your final call on fashion? For me, I’d like to strike a balance between gaining a desirable amount of muscle and keeping my body in shape. It’s not easy to determine what is stylish these days. One minute this trend is ‘in’ and the next day, it’s ‘out’…

 

Allow me to keep things simple and just say – It is the combination of my physical appearance and personality that will get me noticed.

 

2nd best is good enough!

At traditional weddings, the bride throws out the bouquet to a group of single women during the reception, and it is said that the woman who catches the bouquet is destined to be the next bride to walk down the aisle.

Each and every one of the other women wants the bouquet, but admits defeat to the one who has the longest arms or the best reach. In the end, they feign happiness for the bitch that caught it.

What these silly women don’t realize is that those pretty flowers aren’t about the promise of marriage, but the promise of possibilities and opportunities.

Being a man, I have never been in the bouquet toss. But I know what it feels like to have the promise of something coming towards me, only to have some unworthy opponent seize it from my hands. It is painful watching people who don’t do anything get so much thrown at them. And, since they’re nonchalant about it all (they have to be since they already have it all), they just sigh and brush it off as if it happens everyday.

Coming in second sucks and sucks the life out of you because you’ll never get to wear the pretty white dress and tiara, there is no special treatment for you on the special day and no one tells you how beautiful you look even though they’re pretending not to notice you’re five pounds pudgier. You wear the fugly dress with all the pink ruffles and layers of tulle that make you look like two dozen ballerinas exploded all over you at a cake shop.

You’ll basically get treated like shit because your dress is not couture (not that I want to wear a dress but it’s the closest metaphor that I can think of).

I think I’m a better bridesmaid than I’ll ever be a bride. But I ain’t complaining…who says you need to be THE best in everything that you do?

Desperately seeking Validation

One of the things I’ve noticed is that we live our lives by way of validation and in many cases it’s not in a positive way.

It’s fine to be happy when we receive validation – after all we all like to feel/hear something positive about ourselves. But more often then not, the problems occur when we go seeking validation. We might not be as needy as we get older but neither does it really disappear.

Many people have friends surrounding them but when you look closely at these groups they are mostly superficial and only there as a method of validation since they never really seem to have opinions on things that really matter. You only keep them around to tell you how wonderful you are.

The true test of a friend is one that tells you what you don’t want to hear.

Sex is another good example; People use picking up for sex as a way to prove that they can. It’s a way for them to feel they are still attractive. To me, that’s not real validation because most of the time either one or both are drunk and the other half of the time it’s just sex and no real feelings are needed.

Instant messengers like MSN or Skype are not as often used to stay in touch with people you know as they are for chatting with people who you don’t know. I’m guilty of this myself – half the people on my MSN list are those I haven’t even met!

But hang on, I’m not saying all validation is bad.

Truth is, the only person who can validate you is you yourself. If you understand that self-validation is required before all others, then you will be happier. Don’t waste your time seeking validation and attention from others when in reality you don’t need it.

Validation will come in its own time.

The matter of size

I remember watching Oprah and her special report on men. According to the statistics presented, the average penis size of Black men is one inch longer than that of White and Hispanic men. Asian men, in conclusion, have the smallest penises of them all.

 

Now, I’ve seen White men with small-ish penises and been with Asian men who are well-endowed. I wonder if guys with dicks eight inches or larger experience an increased sense of self-confidence? And do those who aren’t so ‘blessed’ suffer from low self-esteem? For certain people, size seems to be determining how good they feel about themselves.

 

Sigmund Freud, the father of Psychiatry, said that men have a sexual thought consciously or subconsciously every 3 seconds. I suspect we also think about our penis during this time as well. If you are gay and are not thinking of your penis, then you are definitely thinking of someone else’s.

 

With an increasing number of penis enlargement products and erectile dysfunction aides on the market, our penises have really become big business.

 

All pun intended.

Could’ve Been

I was watching a DVD last night when a scene played an old familiar song in the background.  

Every time I hear Tiffany’s Could’ve Been, I’m 16 again and back in Secondary school. Those days, kids wore bright oversized cross-colours pants, carried country road duffel bags, and listened to Sony walkmans.

 

I was a chubby timid boy and not part of the cool gang. I was into R&B when everyone else seemed to be into something else – headbanging heavy metal music and pop that was meaningless. I was also in an all-boys school but couldn’t completely relate to most of my classmates and it was a confusing and isolating period.

 

Could’ve Been will also be the song that’ll always remind me of Christopher.

 

Christopher and I met at a school sporting event and very quickly became best buddies. He was the first male friend I had that appreciated what I did – writing, dancing and R&B music. He was a kindred spirit and I finally didn’t have to pretend to be interested in cars or sports. There were many afternoons spent chilling to the tunes on our hi-fi, in particularly Tiffany’s Could’ve Been.

 

At the height of our friendship, Christopher and I were inseparable. Everything went well and innocently until May from the neighbouring Girls’ school came along.  Christopher befriended her and I could sense that he was really interested in her. Shortly after, he began spending less time with me and more with May.

 

I couldn’t understand what I was feeling but I just knew and didn’t like what was happening so I acted weird. I totally ignored him when he paid me attention and got annoyed at him when he didn’t. I was a complete asshole to his girl and somehow, I thought that by acting this way, I could bring Christopher back to me.  

 

The tension between us became too much and he and I finally came to blows. In our one and only fight, I called Christopher a bastard. I don’t know why I did that but as soon as it escaped my lips, I knew I’d lost him for good. He didn’t reply but simply walked away. We hardly spoke to each other from then.

 

Looking back, I realised that I could’ve been in love with Christopher even though at that time, I considered him more like a brother. In a way, he was my ‘unrequited first love’ and the friendship that we had was a relationship where unspoken needs were fulfilled (if not mutually then at least mine).

 

More than 5 years later, I heard that Christopher died in a Army training accident in Singapore.

 

I’ve moved on now – no longer regretting what had happened. I’ve made many friends since but I’ll always hold a special place for Christopher. Of course, there’ll always be that song that will remind me of him.