LOVE → It’s how you pull it close and make it stay

I used to have this perfect image of love and what love should be. I think we all do. I can look back at all the levels of love and the variations of ‘love’ that I’ve been through, each time thinking I knew what love was. When I remember those relationships and how selfish/idealistic I was in some instances, I know my idea of love was only elementary.

 

Okay, so what makes me think that I know what love is now?

 

Actually, I still don’t but the difference between me now and who I was then is that I have a better understanding of the process of loving. I know the difference between lust, a crush or an infatuation.  Now, the big question is – what about my current love interest? Well, he is beautiful and has this amazing child-like innocence reaping of positive energy with his baby big eyes.

 

Every love relationship has to go thru’ some loops and some holes. You’ve got to go thru’ the bad to get the reward. Nonetheless, you have to stay faithful and positive about the way things will turn out. It can be a tad much yet worthy of the challenge.

 

To the guys I’ve loved before – Thank you for teaching me. If I didn’t learn from those past relationships, I’d be forced to keep making the same mistakes in love.

 

And some mistakes do leave scars.

 

If it moves, eat it!

Being adventurous with food makes one of the joys in my life. I like tasting something new or exquisite. Some experiences can be tasty but others unpalatable, literally. Still, it does not take away my appetite for tasty delights every now and then…

 

My first foray into ‘exotic cuisine’ was French snails (escargots). I loved how it tasted and it was probably what egged me to also try Fois Gras. It was easily my favourite until I heard how it was made [Goose are force-fed till their livers get enlarged].

 

In the US, I ate alligator steaks, grilled ostrich and fried emu. It all tasted similar to beef or chicken and came with higher price tags. In Thailand, I tried deep-fried locusts and grasshoppers. I was told that they contained a lot of protein. Are they poisonous you ask? Well, I’m still alive so it couldn’t have been that bad. I’d probably die from the unsanitary cooking conditions more than the poison contained in these insects! In Japan, the poisonous puffer fish is a very popular sashimi dish. It doesn’t come cheap and has to be prepared by certified sushi chefs.

 

But it is in China that I hear the most bizarre dishes are served.

 

Live monkey brain – a crying monkey is tied to a stove and its head cut out, thus exposing the brain. Boiling soup is then poured into the head and you, well, eat it whilst it’s hot. There are many restaurants where it can be found, especially in the rural areas. Also, they serve a variety of penis dishes: Dog, Ox, Tiger or Pig. You can have the penis of choice boiled, grilled, fried or in soup.

 

Sometimes, I am amazed at how enterprising people can be. As the Chinese would say: “If it walks, we catch to eat”!

 

Bon Appetit

 

Anti-aging cream

Age has never been an issue to me – Birthdays don’t really freak me out nor the coming of age.

My response to aging is just to buy eye-cream.

They tell me if I put it on at night, it’ll help stop the aging process.  I have faith in these creams because the sales person told me about its merits. It’s made by Parisian monks in the foothills of the Alps and has super fine molecules that will smooth out the wrinkles that form as your skin matures.

I’m not obsessed about wrinkles. Frankly my family ages really well. I’ve seen pictures of my grandfather at 60-ish and he looks great with a full head of hair.  

Being in your 30s is an important digit; in numerology and with astrology and with tarot even. In many ways, it’s the real end of childhood and the teenage years. This is the age that we should understand what we are doing. We’ll have important choices to make – like how we treat others socially, who we hang out with and the list goes on.

The 30s will be a good age to settle down and not sow our wild seeds anymore. I want to have a home life with a partner that understands me, to truly flower and discover potential. I’ve done a lot of naughty things and f**king around in the past. I’ve kissed many a frog and many a prince. My taste in men is realized and I am [in politically-correct terms] starting to see ‘personality’ and ‘heart’ more.  

My 20s were spent either finding my freedom, or starting all over again.  As I walk forward, I feel unthreatened by the adversities that will surely come in my 40s because I’ve learned…

…the 30s would’ve taught me well! 

Nothing’s perfect…that’s why pencils have erasers

A friend told me I have the perfect life: perfect friends, perfect lifestyle, a perfect job and a perfect boyfriend.

Her comment had me immediately thinking not about my so-called perfect life but about my imperfections. I tend to examine my physical as well as personality faults because I think I am a closet perfectionist.

Perhaps it’s because I am insecure and lack self esteem. Or maybe, it’s because I never think I am good enough anyway because –

I am impatient
I like to participate in gossip
I let my mouth get me into trouble
I forget to flush the toilet after peeing
I pick my nose
I leave the water running while I brush my teeth
I am a people pleaser who sometimes never pleases himself
I can be very jealous of others
I am a whiner
I think and analyze too much
I judge people
I can be a hypocrite
I can be a control-freak
I am racist

My sensible vices

What can I say? I love my vices. One issue we have with modern lifestyle is the emphasis on perfection. Newer, slimmer, bigger, better and faster – the message of perfection screams out to us from glossy magazines and slick television ads.

While I do believe in pursuing whatever your personal best happens to be (and I think I could generally be doing far better in terms of diet and exercise), I have a hard time with the constant barrage of images telling us that we suck.

I’m a disciplined guy – okay, quite disciplined – but I stop short of attempting perfection when it comes to my health because I strongly believe that great health is about maximizing the potential output for the minimum input. Wailing away for hours every day on the treadmill or measuring every calorie may yield you marginally more benefit than having that piece of dark chocolate, but, such perfection puts the emphasis on the means rather than the end. After all, we work hard so we can look and feel good in order to enjoy life and get more out of our activities and interests.

Most of my vices aren’t vices at all. Not only are many indulgences [when moderate and planned] good for you, they’re actually a sensible part of your personal health and prevention plan, as they’re more likely to give you a sense of value from your efforts.

So I’ve stopped slaving away at the treadmill and put away the carrots and celery sticks and sticking to some of my very smart so-called vices:

1. Dark Chocolate: Most of us know by now that dark chocolate is rich in antioxidants and brain-stimulating compounds. I’d really be in trouble if that weren’t the case. I make my sweet tooth work for me by choosing dark chocolate and eating small portions. I don’t feel an ounce of guilt. Chocolate is great for your mood, so permit yourself this “vice”.

2. Being a Couch Potato: Whilst it’s important to exercise frequently – at least 4 times a week – it’s also important to take time to unhook from the hurried, stressful pace of modern life. I don’t really watch television but however way I choose to veg out to, I don’t feel guilty about being idle. We all need time to decompress and be a little lazy.

3. A glass of red: I often have a glass of red wine with dinner, and if alcohol is something you enjoy and can consume moderately, go for it. Sure, these are “empty calories” so you don’t want to go overboard, but the antioxidants are worth their weight in, well, liquid gold. Wine is a bit better for you than beer, but still, this is one relaxing “vice” you can sensibly enjoy.

4. A day off: The occasional day-off from work is a great thing as long as I don’t make it a habit. I use this time to catch up with a friend, get a massage, go window shopping or watch re-runs of my favourite movie. Give yourself a break!

The heart of the matter: Whatever your vice, be sure they’re not self-destructive. Drugs, alcohol, days-off and rich foods can quickly derail your health and your life, so choose smart and in small doses.

Mine’s bigger than yours!

There’s really no point comparing yourself with others as no one in this world can do a better job of being you than you yourself.

Life seems to be a constant competition – We aspire to be smarter, healthier, more attractive and wealthier than everyone else. Instead of loving thy neighbour, we are often trying to outdo him/her.

Society tells us there is a need to benchmark our lives with everyone else. We are expected to be more successful than our classmates. Siblings rival to be the more successful one – to be the first to get married, the first to have children or the only one to be gay! In Asia, we are expected to be married by age 30, have a house and a great career. I am constantly reminded that everybody seems to be more successful than I am. At 30, my cousin already owned a bungalow and became a millionaire!

Ironically, all the benchmarking actually lead to a never ending cycle of looking for material things to make us happy. There will always be a time when others are smarter,  hunkier or richer. Should I stop benchmarking and just be happy with what I have?

In all honesty, I think we should be benchmarking down so we will feel better about ourselves and our accomplishment. I tend to do that a lot…I mean, when you compare yourself to friends who have lower-paying jobs or are less educated, it kinda makes you feel better.

In an ideal world, there would be no benchmarking. We would live in a socialist self -esteem estate where everyone is contend with what they have and not worry about what they lack.

The importance of being Sexual

Which comes first: sex or relationship? It’s the gay equivalent to the chicken or egg dilemma. Does one come after the other? And if you have one can you also have the other..?

I reckon that we should try out a man before making any type of commitment. Sex is the first relationship men have with other men. If it’s good, you get repeat dates which may evolve into a relationship. If it’s bad, well then you simply don’t see them again. In our world, sex always comes first (and the rest will happen automatically)

Many of my interactions with gay men are sexual. When I started living on my own many years ago, I thought being gay was only about having sex. I remember my first few years as a homo were all about getting close to men and I inevitably would have sex first and hope an emotional connection would follow. It usually never happened.

Gradually, I learnt to differentiate between sex and emotion and could have sex with no feelings involved. Of course, sex is always better when you have an emotional connection with your partner. As I grew up, I did realize it was not just about sex – If I liked the guy or thought he was bf-potential, I would wait 3 or 4 dates (although kissing on the first date was allowed).

Delaying sex in some instances led to a relationship and at times also led to the realization that I was not sexually compatible with the guy.

That said, you simply can’t make gay men wait too long. You need to establish if both of you are sexually compatible and if the sexual chemistry is not present, then nothing can happen at all.

In gay relationships, I truly believe sex is the priority…

I’ve seen/heard of too many couples who don’t enjoy sex with each other anymore and then simple open up their relationship. This inevitably will prove to be the relationship’s demise in the long run.