My Body

I have to give credit to those who work out and eat a controlled diet in order to achieve a semblance of perfection when it comes to their bodies.

They make the right choices when eating and refrain from unhealthy foods. They exercise several days of the week for at least an hour at a time – warming up, cardio, lifting weights and then cooling down. They religiously take supplements to heal and repair their muscles.

Oh no, that’s not me..I’m not that dedicated!

I am not overweight in any sense of the word. Those who have met me know my body is lean or taut and toned [although some might even say I am skinny]. You’ll find more fat on a chicken cutlet than on my thighs.

I do make an effort to eat right and work out as much as I should but I’m not compulsive about it. After a long day at the office, I would much rather get home, change clothes, have a light dinner and crash in front of the couch for a ½ hour whilst snacking on chips.

I wouldn’t go to an extreme to change my body to please someone else. If you don’t like me the way I am then someone else will.

Then again, if I were overweight and no one gave me a passing glance, my fat ass would be on a treadmill faster than you can say “California Fitness”.

To those who do what you do to look the way you do – keep up the good work!

I’m not the only one who appreciates it.

Vacancy

Job Category: Relationship (Monogamous)
Type: Full time plus OT
Salary: Negotiable
Last day to apply: End of this year
Compensation: Me

Responsibilities will include but are not limited to:

1) Saying and doing the right things to properly convey your undying adoration, admiration and lust for me

2) Arguing when necessary but ultimately realizing the error of your ways

3) Foot-rubs and back-rubs

4) Maintaining daily communication via telephone, email, text messages and telepathic senses

5) Co-ordinating dinner dates, movie nights, surprise parties and other special events

6) Mind-blowing sex

All candidates must possess the following:

A job (Doctors, Lawyers, Pro-athletes, High-level Managers, CEOs & Hollywood Producers highly preferred), Above 1.74m in height, University Degree (Or a rich family background if no degree), Healthy (Gyms or play sports 3x a week at least), No criminal records, No kids (Dogs are fine), No pending kids, Never married, No restraining orders, Social drinker (Or Non-drinker), Sex appeal, Straight & white teeth, Masculine

Over when it ends?

I ask this question because of two things that happened in the past week.

One, hearing that an ex-lover/fling is still holding out hope of us getting back together, and two, finding a forgotten photo from a past relationship that brought back some unexpected [and unwanted] feelings.

The first concerns the guy I had the now-defunct and once-dysfunctional long distance relationship with. We sort of ended the ‘relationship’ because I became tired and wary of unexplained silences and sporadic contact. I didn’t bother trying to find out why since I figured six-weeks straight of not hearing from him was cause enough to end the ‘relationship’. I use the word ‘relationship’ loosely because it is so clearly not. Anyway, I hear from a mutual friend that he still talks about me and is keen on getting back together.

The second came as a complete surprise and it was all to do with a photo. I’m a little bit of a hoarder – letters, cards, pictures – mementos from events and people that have had special significance in my life. Often, these are things to mark an occasion or to remind me of a person and rarely does it produce so much emotion like it did when I saw the image of my hand clasped by my second boyfriend. I recalled the excitement and happiness of being with him, the anguish of knowing that it wouldn’t last and the hurt of when it all finally fell apart.

Strangely, when the unpleasant montage stopped, I was left with a hollow feeling — a feeling like it needed to be filled with something that was once familiar and which happened a couple of years ago. I thought I was over it but methinks the chapter’s never really closed as much as you might think it is.

Is it…

IS IT so hard to find a guy who :

- Is smart
- Has a good personality
- Has a nice smile
- Won’t break your heart
- Just wants to cuddle and not have sex
- Is thoughtful/considerate
- Will sit and talk about any/everything
- Listens when you talk
- Will hold your hand
- Tells you how beautiful you are
- Isn’t afraid to show their feelings
- Tells you the truth even if you don’t want to hear it
- Doesn’t want to be with a million other hotter guys
- Will be there for you thru’ the good and bad
- Gets you flowers just because
- Will call/text you just to tell you how much he cares
- Watches a horror movie with you
- Doesn’t make fun of you when you tell him your thought/dreams
- Is just sweet and good to me and my dog

Love.Hate.Use

ONLINE dating sites – some days I love them, some days I don’t. But I use them anyway.

They are a little addicting so I was really impressed with myself when I went over two weeks without logging into any site (okay I was out at the beach and had no internet access).

A message from someone made me log back on after the brief absence, but that’s totally beside the point and what I’m trying to say is that there are indeed alot of guys out there ‘seeking’. Also, when you are in a small city, you actually end up recognizing many people on the street.

So, I compiled a list separating the good and bad. Here it is –

Why I love them:

• That nice excited feeling you get when you get a message or a virtual kiss from someone you like
• Gives you hope! There’s always a chance you might find the One [or at least Someone]
• That nervous feeling when you arrange to meet, followed by finding out they are actually really nice and the date goes well

Why I don’t:

• Messaging a guy and then he responds and then just sudden silence. You are left wondering if you’ve said something wrong
• There are jerks on there
• The older gentlemen who insist on asking if you would like to meet up over coffee. That is despite all the warnings you put on your profile that you are looking for people around your age/and not ugly
• You meet a guy, and then you realized he used a fake photo

Why I use them anyway:

• Because ultimately you wanna find someone (or some of us need to have sex)
• You really wish you were able to cuddle with someone on a rainy night
• You are bored and decide to ‘just browse’

Conversation with Mom

(ring ring ring)

Hello?

“Hi Son!”

Hi Mom.

“How are you?”

Good. But I can’t talk right now, can I call you back?

“What are you doing?”

I’m having dinner with a friend.

“Oh. What are you having?”

We haven’t ordered yet. But it’s Thai. Can I call you back later?

“Who’s your friend?”

My friend Lester.

“Oh, Lester.”

Yeah. I’ll call you back

“Who is Lester?”

He’s just my friend.

“Oh. I thought maybe you were busy.”

I’m having dinner now.

“What are you going to have?”

We are just about to order.

“Okay, then call me back when you’re done.”

Okay, I’ll call you.

“Is the restaurant nice?”

I’m hanging up now.

“Well if you don’t want to talk to your mother…”

Bye.

 

 

Come as you are

WHILST cruising one of the online dating sites I am on, I came across a familiar face – we briefly dated last year, but he decided he wasn’t ready to pursue a relationship (probably a nice way of saying I wasn’t the one). He went on his way and I went mine.

Today, I chanced upon him again and wrote to say hi. He wrote back a very heartfelt note that touched me, because I think it speaks volumes to what most of us feel as ‘singles’.

He commented that everyone he has met had wanted to change him and that he misses physical intimacy. Well, he’s not alone. All of us have these rather basic primal needs – acceptance for who we are and intimacy with another person.

My response to him was not to settle for anything less. When we are in relationships, we always see the need to change our partner in the perfect person that we want.

Each of us need to be accepted and loved for who we truly are. Why? Because it brings us the greatest freedom and intimacy we can possibly experience with another human being. When there are too many expectations, you are never really at ease or at peace because you don’t feel truly accepted.

I think we try to change people out of desperation because we haven’t been patient enough to find the one we’re meant to be with. So we figure we’ll take what’s there, mold it to our liking, and then love it. But that’s not unconditional love — it’s conditional.

Do you wonder why there are so many separations? I guess its because our partners don’t meet up to our expectations, so we move on. We don’t love them as they are but we expect them to love us as we are.

Of course, as a single, I miss regular intimacy with a partner, which brings me to our next basic need — to be touched. Unfortunately, we can go down some pretty destructive paths in our lives if we look for intimacy in the wrong places.

Next time I am in a relationship, I hope to love that person as is. I think if I did, my greatest intimacy with that person will be born out of being accepted and loved for who he really is.

Affirmation

I am only as strong as the ones who love and support me.

I don’t live my life angry and I have the love of family and friends.

Should I ever have a family, my main goal would be to instill in my children the values that I have learned and watch them pursue their own dreams as I have always done.

Love drives me daily – my love for perfection, my love for life or my love for happiness.

Without the emotional connection of love to things that I do, then I would not be able to find motivation to do it at all. Without love, I feel as if I’m just waiting to die. I have met many amazing people in my life and have felt love so strong that once it was gone it cramped my stomach to think of not having the feeling any more.

Ironically, love is also the hardest thing I have ever attempted to chase after. I am not your average character, and to find someone to love me wholeheartedly sans judgment is quite difficult…

I know that finding love is no easy task for anyone.

Someday, I’ll find someone who I truly love and who loves me right back.

A cleaner diet

AS of today,

I will cut all processed meat (sausages/ham), refined sugar, alcohol, wheat glutin, starch and diary products from my diet.

I will up my intake of fresh fruits (minus acidic fruits like pineapple) and leafy greens and complex carbohydrates (Oatmeal/Bran).

I will allow myself a treat (dessert) once a fortnight.

Check back with me next week to see how I am keeping up…

My stuff

fave gadget iPhone fave designer Calvin Klein fave ice cream Ben&Jerry’s Chubby Hubby fave extravagance Massages/Foot Reflexology fave city Seattle, Washington fave beauty product Biotherm Source Therapie fave shampoo Garnier Fructis (http://www.garnier.com/fructis) fave facial cleanser Giorgio Armani Crema Nera fave moisturizer Loreal Men’s Expert Hydra-Energetic Gel fave hotel Lanson Place, Hong Kong fave shop MUJI fave athletic brand Adidas fave attire Tees, shorts & flip flops fave fruit Papaya fave jeans Abercrombie and Fitch’s Remsen low-rise straight fit fave holiday destination Bangkok/San Francisco fave airline Northwest Airlines fave fragrance Banana Republic Classic/Calvin Klein MAN fave timepiece Toywatch (http://www.toywatchusa.com) fave snack Japanese seaweed fave club Jump, Taipei fave porn actor Karel Rok fave lube Astro Glide fave blog http://www.ohlalamag.com fave magazine Men’s Health fave singer Sandy Lam fave book Savage Grace by Natalie Robins and Steven Aronson fave drink Vodka Cranberry fave pet Dogs (Golden retrievers/American Cocker Spaniels) fave airport Changi, Singapore fave dish Hainanese chicken rice fave season Spring fave TV Ugly Betty/Little Britain fave beverage Starbuck’s Green Tea Frappe fave holiday season Christmas fave mall The Grove in Los Angeles fave sport Tennis fave number 7 fave colour Green

Phases and Places

Turning 32 has been an eye opener for me.

It’s a little interesting how, for the past month, I have been asking myself a lot of questions about life and realizing I am almost into ‘mid-life’ I have thought of myself as an adult for many years but this past month has brought it all home – I am an adult!

What have I done with my life this far? Am I satisfied with it and how can I make it better?

Yesterday, I evaluated how things were happening in my life. I don’t reflect enough and tend to slack off. There were several issues I had to work thru these 2 years and am now dealing with new issues like being relocated around a lot for work. I never seem to be able to call a place ‘home’ for long. As soon as I feel settled in and start making serious new friends…I am told to pack my bags.

That said, being able to look at the bigger picture has given me perspective. I get to travel all over the globe with most expense paid for. I get to re-visit cities that I love and experience life there as a ‘local’. I have traveled to almost every continent and do consider myself very well-heeled. I almost regard myself as a flight-attendant sometimes – here today, there tomorrow…ya know? This was exactly the lifestyle I coveted when I was in my twenties. Now, I’d rather have a sense of permanence.

It’s nice to be able to put the past in its place and work into the future with a better sense of who and where I am.

I guess I am in the midst of one of those [rare] moments where I have to clear something out of my head, do a little housekeeping and reorder priorities. It’s all about trying to figure out what they are.

The question is - where to start and where do I stop?

Comfort [z]One

OKAY, I noticed that I’ve become less outgoing since moving to this city. I play a lot less games, I don’t gym as much as I should, I interact with much fewer people and I just generally reduced the range of activities I engage in.

Blame it on the weather here (hot and humid and I just want to be in an air-conditioned environment the whole time) but I think it’s also partly due to my pathological need to do well at work. The nature of my work keeps me on my toes. Did I tell you about how I try to get into the office an hour earlier just to monitor my reporters at work? I’m surprised no one has called me the crazy anal-retentive bitch (at least not in my face) yet!

Want me to let you in on a little secret? I think the main reason I work so hard is because I’m not very good at um..other things, like socializing. At least with your job, you put in a good amount of effort and you receive a fair amount of renumeration in return.

Interacting with humans, on the other hand, is a bit more complicated – even when (a) you think the relationship is a bed of roses, you may still end up getting dumped or (b) you go out on a successful date but there is no follow-up thereafter.

Matter-of-fact is, if I focus on work, my prize is a nice salary that allows me to spend myself away.

I guess I shouldn’t say I got NOTHING out of my attempts at socializing. It’s always good to meet new people in a new town. I never know when I’ll run into one of them at a club and they’ll introduce me to somebody who might be ‘The One’.

It’s good practice for me to get outside my comfort zone and just talk to people I don’t know. I might just make myself a new best friend!

I didn’t this weekend, but maybe next week I will…

Circuit parties with a side of E

Circuit parties are notoriously hard to define.

There are hundreds of promoters around the globe trying to cash in by calling their upstart events ‘circuit parties’.

Most circuit parties follow a certain template whether in a club, on a cruise ship or a beach. It is a several-day, several-location spectacular, with lights, big-name DJs, decorations and performances. Themes are mandatory. Many parties are tied to holidays, like Mardi Gras in Sydney or Songkran in Bangkok. Some clubs like Jump in Taipei organize a regular end-of-month party and is always well- attended.

Everywhere you look at these events there are men, men and more men. ”When I told my aunt I was gay, she said, “It’s a very lonely life”.

..If she only knew! I’m obviously not the only gay in this village!

To outsiders, the less well-informed and the biased, circuit parties are all about drugs, sex and spectacle. To the travel industry, they represent a profit-making opportunity. For many circuit party aficionados, the weekend celebrations are essentially a year-round extension of the ability to put ourselves out there and have a great time. It’s important for our gay identity to know that we’re part of a community that knows how to have fun, albeit safely.

Drugs – always a controversial part of the circuit life, were not part of the routine to begin with. Champagne was the only intoxicant most of my friends touched all weekend, despite dancing until the wee hours. Not everyone exhibits such self-control, of course. The circuit party scene is fueled by Ecstasy, much as the rest of any club scene is. Now it’s GHB and methamphetamine, better known as crystal meth. Not only does crystal meth give revelers the stamina to stay up for three days without a nap, it also enables marathon (and often unprotected) sex sessions.

While drugs may be a ‘don’t-ask-don’t-tell’ affair at these circuits, plenty of flesh-baring is certainly not a discreet topic. When I step on the dance floor, my shirt usually come off. It’s an excellent excuse for us to check out the latest in men’s underwear. Men with shaved chests and impeccable abs greet each other with hugs and kisses and dance with their arms around one another’s waists.

I define this as a form of liberation, this whole act of being able to flirt shamelessly without judgment or guilt. It’s just something I choose to call ‘life’.

And ‘life’ is a drug I could OD on.

Am I too old to take money from relatives?

As a kid, money was my favorite present – preferably cash – since I could go out and use it immediately. I could never leave a store with any money left over. The happiness was much anticipated and quickly over.

When I was 21, my Dad sent me to the US with a checking account of $600. It was a smart idea to try and teach his son about managing money. However, I saw through it immediately. It was like being given a neck tie, a symbol of the grey oppressive adulthood that lay before me.

That was not the last time I received money from my parents, but those times (in college) were rarely cause for celebration. There were a few other times after college when I legitimately needed help (for my first car, student loans) but that was nearly seven years ago. Still, every year like clockwork, the money comes on birthdays and Chinese New Year. They’ve been politely offering to buy me a housewarming present from IKEA since I moved into my own place.

For those of you who want to know about me, I’m 32 years old, living on my own and working as a newsroom journalist. I make relatively good money from the job and also have a property investment. As you’d expect from a gay yuppie, I live rather comfortably. So when my Dad hands me a $100 bill when I visit or when my Aunt sends a gift certificate, I am a bit mystified as to how I should feel.

While free money is good, I don’t have the most exciting plans for it. A large chunk of my personal savings is windfall money I put aside immediately rather than spend. It’s just the sort of responsible thing my Dad wished I would have done when I was a teenager.

Still it’s a little embarrassing for my inner adult, like having my Mom peel shrimps for me in a fancy restaurant. Whilst we go through many developmental milestones on our path to becoming independent adults, the relationship with our parents is sometimes slow to change. They still remember us in diapers, fondly.

I’ve never been a big fan of making an issue out of dollars & cents. If someone makes a move for the bill at a restaurant, I don’t try to tackle them. I generally trust that when people offer to do something it’s because they want to and I accept that graciously. When I take the bill, I also expect this same understanding.

After all I’m lucky to have supportive parents/relatives who are still in a position to offer their financial assistance.

e=mc2=Winning Formula= ?

Well, Mariah Carey is back. Fresh from the multi-platinum success of 2005’s “The Emancipation of Mimi”, everyone’s fave vocal stylist has returned with a thinly veiled clone of her prior commercial smash. Clocking in at fifty minutes of party-oriented hip-hop and sappy ballads, “E=MC2″ is a consistently mid-tempo set of cuts that should appease her loyal fans and continue to bewilder the rest of us.

In the interest of fairness, Mariah does deserve a degree of respect for the choices she’s made in creating this record. Unlike contemporaries Janet Jackson and Madonna, she’s (mostly) stayed away from scarring our precious eyeballs with spandex-clad crotch shots and innuendo-laden lyrics, maintaining the scantest connection to the demure young woman who sang all those cheesy ballads in the early Nineties. While I have quite a few concerns with the quality of this album’s songwriting, I can easily listen to two or three of its songs at a time, and find them blandly enjoyable. Mariah’s vocals are also worth commendation, showcasing some of her much-famed range and power while staying away from screeching (hello Alicia Keys!).

However, the praise stops here. One of the biggest question marks hovering over Mariah’s discography has always been her debatable degree of sincerity, and it appears here with a vengeance.

Although much is made of the fact that she writes her own songs, it doesn’t change the reality that she opts to give her tracks to corporate producers, who ultimately transform them into radio-ready formula. In addition, it hardly helps that she’s not particularly skilled in either the lyric or melody departments; relying heavily on saccharine/emotional statements that are de-personalised to the extent of losing all meaning. She then sets them to primitive tunes consisting of one hook repeated multiple times. Certainly, I can call the choruses of some of these songs (like the bouncy, disco-ish “I’ll Be Lovin’ U Long Time”) catchy, but they’re ephemerally so, drifting in one ear and out the other in a numbed haze.

To get an overall impression of her latest sound, you’re best served her current No.1 hit “Touch My Body”. I have neither the desire nor will to knock it down, but to me it sounds more like a teaser than a smash hit. Consisting of a flat drum machine track with finger snaps and minimal synth accompaniment, it presents a mediocre basic tune that’s made worst with meaningless lyric.

Sadly, plenty of the other songs sound almost identical – the cookie-cutter slow jams “I Stay In Love”, “Love Story”, “Last Kiss” and “For The Record” may employ superficially different styles, but they are just more of the same Hallmark power ballads that Mariah’s been dishing out since 1990.

Taken as a whole, there isn’t much that can be said about “E=MC2″ that wouldn’t already be obvious to anyone familiar with Mariah’s earlier output. She’s opted to play it incredibly safe, and anyone who has enjoyed her old records will find plenty to appreciate here. I’m skeptical as to whether she’ll be able to pull off another album in this vein, but at least she’s smart enough to stay away from half-baked political statements or coarse sexual vulgarity – and for the moment, that’s enough.

Tracks I repeat: “I Stay In Love”/”Side Effects”/”For The Record”/”Bye Bye”
Tracks I skip: “Touch My Body”/”O.O.C”